I was so drunk last night, I had to Wikipedia what i did.
Nothing ended up happening last night because he couldn't get my overalls or fanny pack off. I woke up this morning with one strap over my overall shorts on, my fanny pack wrapped around my chest, and the baby doll still tied to my hand. Ugh white trash parties!
I twisted my ankle last night doing a super high five with 3 inch heels on.
The Ukrainian kid just told me that our econ professor wants to bone me. Please tell me that phrase means something different in Eastern Europe.
Blew a line and having a jolly rancher... the day is looking up.
That just sounds like a recipe for sex in my backyard. Yes.
You are not allowed to borrow my car ever again. It smells like a hobo orgy happened in my backseat with a hint of onion. What did you do.
next time we make out at a concert please try to refrain from screaming out our hotel room number.. the amount of guys that knocked on our door after you passed out was ridiculous
we're decorating our christmas cookies with birth control. so pretty.
He's the conductor of the struggle bus
I RODE THAT FINE PIECE OF STRUGGLE BUS
As soon as I got there, you appeared out of no where, yelled "they're giving away free cigarettes!" in my face and then disappeared and I didn't see you the rest of the night.
I'm sitting next to the guy that peed in our drying machine
You threw up with such class too! Tiara and all.
Woke up with a lip tattoo that says "fake news" in case you're wondering about my wellbeing
Of course he’s picking me up at the airport. I taught him the Lotus position last time we had sex.
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