I never Thought the day id see a chick shove a 2liter up her vag. that happened last night
he asked me out through an event invitation on facebook, the title read Romantic Dinner For 2
Just fucked my roommate on the first night of our 12 month lease. 2010 will be awkward.
nothing like celebrating the fact that you're not a father by trying to impregnate other women
drunk me is my new role model. he's fearless. like not even afraid of tornadoes.
My boobs grew. They knew we were going to vegas.
I just woke up to find the whole kitchen sick had been converted into a gravity bong.
I forgot not everyone drinks wine out of the bottle. My grandma just asked if i needed a glass with a disappointing look.
I feel like I just rode a horse, did a million jumping jacks, ran a marathon and need a carton on cigarettes. best sex hands down... EVER
You. Me. Frosting and a bed. Lets do this.
Would you mind pretending to be lesbians just for like three emails?
Its not that it wasnt fun. Its just I got a tooth knocked out and that was my second time being arrested this year
lets start a news segment called WHY IS LEOS CROTCH BURNING TODAY
You're the air beneath my wings and the lookout when I pee
i woke up this morning with a fake eyeball in my pocket
Randomize
