the best thing about tacos is after you shit them all out you feel like to have room for your dignity to come back
even your uterus rejects him.
apparently my uterus is the smartest part of my body.
I just watched a video of Justin Bieber kissing a girl..... the sad thing is that I actually got upset.
the only reason i invite her is so when the guys start to hit on her i know it's time to take their keys
I'll have to explain it to you tonight when i call drunk. It will sound better
He called the drink "The Annexation of Puerto Rico". He wouldn't tell us whats in it but said that we should all fear for our lives. Let's do this.
That's the international "my vagina is unoccupied, come talk to us" chant. You have your mission. Go.
But the real question is how many people didn't see my dick last night?
Dude are you being arrested? I swear I just saw you laying on the hood of your car with a cop patting you down...
THEY AREN'T MARRIED. PUT ON YOUR HOMEWRECKING PANTIES AND GET TO WORK. NO EXCUSES.
I'm daydrinking whiskey in a princess hat
not sure if destroying him emotionally was worth it but damn it's a fucking hilarious story
The smoothie place is closed, but the liquor store is open and wine is kinda like a smoothie.
Ran up to the dollar store to get batteries for my vibrator. Happy Valentines Day!
She is still drunk from the night before, sitting here eating KFC mashed potatoes and drinking Arbor Mist before Anatomy lab.
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