Dude, I just rear-ended a cab
Are you drunk?
A little...yes
Run!
Terrible brother advice.
If I see one more commercial for The Secret Life of the American Teenager, I'm going to punch the next teenage girl I see in the uterus and scream, "Wear a condom!"
I just caught myself dancing like an old lady in the shower. Have I reached the age where booty dancing stops and swaying of the upper body begins?
If your still trying to figure out the moment I stopped caring; it was the point in which you said "I really wasn't sure whose baby it was"
Pretty girls always come out on top. Or bottom. Whatever. Point is we come out with their boyfriends.
halloween makes it hard to decipher real cops... from sexy men dressed up as them.
You tried to convince her that if she gave you head she'd hear the ocean.....
you will always have a special place in my vag
i have only one word for you: 3somewithnorwegiangirls
I want you to come here and listen to her climax and then tell me how funny you think it is.
My neighbor caught me peeing on his rose bushes at 2 in the morning while wearing my Santa hat. My sex appeal has never been higher.
I feel as though sleeping all day due to the effects of prescription painkillers paid for by union insurance made this the most American day ever for me
He walked into the bar, took a deep sniff and said "this place is fertile and ready for my seed" then calmly walked to the service area
You don't know how much I love you. You could play Careless Whisper while we have sex and I'd still love you
HEY I WILL KIDNAP THE FUCK OUT OF YOUR PET GOAT
Randomize
