I lost my shoes and bra and was beyond mapquesting
He just asked me if I ever had the urge to put a zucchini in my ass.
i just heard a guy call his kid "Google" in a way that leads me to believe that's his name. this day couldn't get worse.
He got about halfway through singing "Drift Away" before he passed out and broke my coffee table.
No. I didn't know. I thought mid afternoon shots meant the day could only get better.
he built a boat made of joints. holyyy shit
Afraid I'm about to get arrested. Complicated situation but not a joke. If I do not text again that all is clear within 90 minutes kindly begin bail process. I have the cash to repay as soon as I get home. Details later.
Just found my old bop it. So many drinking game possibilities
Didn't know what to wear so I ripped off my bed sheets and tied myself a toga. "a little hungover" is no way to describe me right now.
You told me if you could get your shoes on, you deserved a coke and rum. We never made it to the party.
if you fuck our toilet off the wall again, i'm going to be so mad.
I still judge her for aggressively trying to get coke from my date but pretty cool that she's a black belt
He sent me a pic and then I suffered dick amnesia about the rest of that
I told my mom that I might be hungover today so she needs to make me an omelet.. it happened and I'm happy
Ever look at an ex and wonder...was I drunk that entire relationship??
Yes, yes I do.
Randomize