You're the only person with a favorite bar in Disneyworld
we have to go try and show our tits so we can get ID-free drinks at applebees
So, just so you know... Your vasectomy worked.
bonus
YOU GOT KICKED OUT OF FIVE GUYS LAST NIGHT FOR THROWING PEANUTS AT THE PEOPLE WHO WORK THERE?!
correction: escorted out
And leave it to John to ask the cabby to make a Porno in his cab
I cant. There's fences everywhere and I think I have a boyfriend. Its fabulous.
You do realize how pathetic it is when the woman who does your bikini waxes has seen your vagina more than I have
Def just threw up beer then brushed my teeth with some randos toothpaste now back to drinkin beer
Oh I was gonna ask you the same thing...? It's official ask anyone to see your husbands dick day.
As a general rule of thumb, I don't call until the claw marks have healed.
You're the best friend ever. I wouldn't want to do the walk of shame with anyone else.
Regardless of how one feels after a break up, whiskey must be consumed.
Can you get winded from lip syncing? I don't know how Britney does it
I grabbed the pretzel bag with my toes last night. I think that day of yoga had paid off.
Come over I need help. I just almost died in an acid flashback while listening to do You Feel Like We Do off of the Frampton Comes Alive album.
Randomize
