out of nowhere you said let us see your boobs, then proceeded to pull my shirt down.
i gets down
He told me he could read braille... with his tongue. So I took him home. I don't think he was lying
im sitting in my room wearing my power rangers shirt watching a movie about a magical dragon. Ive totally forgotten what having a sex life is like.
Just ran interference for her again. Sometimes i wonder how many times in my life i'll have to be a cock block at the clinic
I could hear them screwing through my bedroom wall again this morning, so I started beat boxing to the tempo.
Remember that night I drank a bunch of vodka, pounded your Jameson because 'you were a pussy', punched you in the face and ran off as fast as my high heels could go? It was just my Russian and Irish sides fighting for genetic dominance
Just used my front-facing camera to check my pupils. Technology!
Okay so, sorry but last night we had to put a note on your chest and a key around your neck just so you would make it home.
If I had a dollar for every straight boy that questioned their sexuality because of me, I would live a comfortable middle-class life.
Can you bring me the toilet please
She's really sweet and cute, but when she drinks, she becomes way too proud of her bush.
Just had someone from Hells Angels snort coke off my tits...so I'm pretty much done with life now. 💀
he sent a dick pic to my best friends phone for me cause mine died lol pretty sure he was regretting that night outta town.
I had to explain to an ER nurse that I burned my dick playing onion ring toss today, your social awkwardness hardly compares.
Just let a guy I just met eat me out in a shed at a baby shower. May have sunk to a brand new low
Randomize
