You know the commpass Jack Sparrow has? The one that just points at whatever you want? Thas pretty much my moral compass.
Note to self. Condoms are not microwavable.
If God had a period, it would result in diet faygo redpop
dude we were making out and she kept singing the americas next top model song. you wanna be on top?
Did my good deed for the day.. Helped an old guy hide his beer on the NJ transit while the ticket lady came by
This is how I ended up being the slutty friend isn't it?
Nothing like wearing your heels and smelling like henney in the afternoon
Covered in confetti and bad decisions
Hate to say it and even though I definitely have a biased opinion but I'm surprised your not, sleeping with anyone else. Good personality, charisma and amazing in the sack.
Feel free to use me as a reference.
i finally decided to cut him off after he he looked me dead in the eyes and said "how have i been inside you for the past twenty minutes when my pants are still on?"
Why is there ANOTHER stolen fire extinguisher in my room? You know that's a felony right...
Out of everyone here, the sober one caught the cat on fire.
Thank you for the legal advice. I hope I can pay you in blow jobs.
Only you could go on vacation to visit family and hook up with a pro NFL player from Tinder
did you make it home?
i'm in a room and it looks like mine :)
hahah close nuff if it isnt
all i remember is arguing with the chick that yahoo was better than google
all you were doing was yelling YAHOOOOO in her face
so i won
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