Just heard "Kiss Me Though the Phone" for the first time. Amazed how it took Soulja Boy two songs to become a shitter version of Ja Rule.
Playing drinking games to Nancy Grace totally counts as "keeping up with current events.."
I mean, she is a dancer for the Suns. If I didnt fuck her that would just be bad team spirit.
He just stabbed two olives and a pickle with a fork and deep throated it in front of my family
Not even marginally surprised
Guy in our group took down a chick in a wheelchair last night.
she was puking red wine out the car window, telling me about how shes joining weight watchers tomorrow, not okay.
She danced with a broom while telling me I was "cool as shit" and she "wishes she could take a portion of my big ass and attach it to hers" then she passed out
in my defense, he kept drinking all of my water.
he had diabetes and you told him to stop being a pansy!
Today needs to die. The mail delivery guy watched me throw up in my yard while taking my chihuahua out in Christmas pajamas at noon. Low point in my life.
He pulled a bucket of fried chicken out of his backpack as a peace offering. Under the chicken was a rainbow bag of weed. We're dating again.
I slept naked with a towel wrapped around my waist in case I pissed the bed again
My parents are paying for my knee surgery for my birthday. What costume will look good on crutches for my Halloween Birthday?
Welcome to adulthood.
You know it was a weird week when you have a mystery bruise and youre unsure if it was from crazy sex or getting bit by a duck. Life.
Explain to me how we're not being documented on? A gynecologist I saw two times 8 years ago popped up on my people you may know list on fb. What in the actual fuck?
How was it?
i think i smell bacon but im to sore to walk downstairs. that kinda night
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