So My parents cut me off after I started making blood marys with hienz ketchup
I feel that the whole multiple orgasm thing is god's way of saying "sorry for the childbirth deal"
i dont need a football game to get drunk and yell at my tv
Superbowl + Mdma, hope we're on the same page.
normally i'm against accepting campers on facebook but this one saw me giving head to another counselor and didn't say shit about it to my boss so i feel like shes earned the right to look at my sloppy drunk pictures
I'm genuinely dissapointed that we didn't make any fat chicks cry
So my girlfriend used a threesome to tell me she wanted to leave me for a girl... Not entirely sure how I should feel about that.
The timing couldn't have been better if I planned it. His mom walked away, I vomited in their mulch, and then his mom came back and offered me bread.
The couple that wants to take me home just paid the bartender $100 to pour tequila down my throat. I think I'm in some type of twilight zone where stds run rampant and the alcohol floweth
I told him that he was essentially a very life-like dildo with a person attached so he needed to stop having feelings because it was getting annoying. He agreed.
Okay. How did someone manage to piss on TOP of a urinal? What giant is roaming around with a prick five feet from the ground?
There's a cop, a pizza guy and a half naked girl outside along with a dog that I don't know. It feels like I walked into a Judd Apatow movie.
Ok thats great. so just to recap: you fucked a billionare in his penthouse last night, and I had a glass of wine on the toilet.
do I look like a person who has full control of their limbs and existence on this plane of reality
Looks like a sea otter shaved my vagina. Keep an eye out for me this weekend, no one can see this.
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