Can we switch to phone sex? This is starting to get awkward...
so my bro's bff came over...we had an awkward "yeah we fucked and can fuck later, but let's just pretend it didn't happen in front of the family" hug.
my throat hurts so bad i feel like i just gave head to a cactus.
I really don't want to move...I'm having a motivation problem.
kev is about to show us pictures of the tranny he accidentally fucked last night.
I'll be there in 10
Looks like I will be paying for the roofie I slipped myself in 9 months.
So... My dad just saw the Plan B package and the beer cans in my backseat.
Oh its cool I'm sure he already knows you're a whore and an alcoholic.
Remember when the only STD we had to worry about were hickies? Those were the days
two words...techno handjob
I cleared a drunken path to my bed for you. If you hit clothes you've gone too far.
We got the possum out of our house. We built a maze with our empty kegs and chased it with brooms.
I woke up next to him fully clothed but my thong was around his neck. Polling to decide if we had sex or not starts now.
Dont care what i do tnt just as long as i get to chug a beer in somebodys face
I'm training him to sit when I whistle the tune from the hunger games. I'm going to be the coolest parent ever.
Ugh, I should just give up, and fuck him in a parking lot, and shave my head and walk naked through the streets of King's Landing.
The moral of the story is this:the last shot of the night is always a mistake
Randomize
