i've been throwing up a lot lately. my guess is hangover but who knows morning sickness is always an option
i woke up to my roomate hitting me in the head with a can of PBR at 8:30 in the morning...i love spring break
I'm in the library if you wanna come give me library head.
My mom just said we needed to put weed into our earthquake kit.
Somehow after we left in 3 different cars to all go to different places we still all ended up in the emergency room
I'm sitting in the middle of them on his bed, forcing them to watch Brokeback Mountain. I am the best cock blocker ever.
After throwing up in a tequila bottle on my nightstand (still not sure how she did that) she asked if she could slip into something more comfortable.
Im not moving so it's going to have to be a 3 some.
I think 2012 will be the year I purposely put myself in awkward situations. Much like 2011 but really trying this time. Like fucking the little sister of a girl I already fucked and dating a chick that lives with her ex. It could be awesome or horrible.
You slammed your face into the toilet and declared you were moving your bed into the bathroom in the morning. Also, you insisted on crawling everywhere because feet are "overrated."
I just found a half a joint in my bed. . .don't know if this qualifies as a proud moment or a cry for help
Do you hit a new low in life when you have to carry around a puke bag in your purse when you're hungover?
My vagina is glad I'm back at work because it needs a vacation after working all through my vacation.
1st date with cop went weird. He yelled at me & we had a horrible date. Walking to the car I tripped & started bleeding & then he made out with me. Is it wrong that I want to see him again?
THIS IS WHY YOU NEED THERAPY!
Your dick is the only reason I have motivation to come back to school today
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