If a guy called my cleavage "mesmerizing" but is kinda related to me, does it still count?
she's got a whisker from her dead cat taped to the wall. I'm pretty sure that about sums it up...
im just going to superglue mistletoe to my forehead and see what happens
Pregnancy confirmed. Complete emotional instability achieved. I just cried through 95% of Avatar.
and when he finished he handed me a baby wipe so i could clean up. i'm ok with the fact that he has kids, but not sure how to react to this.
Do you think it would be a good idea to mention in my admissions essay that I was the guy that streaked across the soccer field last year?
Either way you look at it, I'm a slut. But either way I look at it, I'm having a fucking blast.
I'm sorry to inform you but your friends with benefits card has expired has the beginning of the year. If you wish to renew your card you must submit a picture of a fully erect penis. Please note that not all request for a FWB card is accepted.
it was the drunk execution of a sober decision, and its much more tasteful than the first mullet
Needless to say they were not happy to find out that we braided their hair together, when one of them woke up needing to puke bad
I'll be there. With Doritos and whisky. Don't expect much more.
She's going to be the first to die of too much illness. Not even super bad stuff like cancer but like for having a cold at the same time as a sore throat and chlamydia or something. Just too much diseases.
I never realized how weird our shower smells until I cracked a shower beer and had a familiar aroma to compare it to.
Fucking adderall I just talked at the security guard for 90 minutes
I feel like you're encouraging me to commit a felony.
I feel like you're wasting time.
Randomize
