dude. i was so high. i watched shrek in russian.
It's like sexual therapy. We hooked up. And now were talking about our recent breakups.
Emoooo
I saw a chick at 8 am this morning walking back to my dorm wearing wings... I'm kind of jealous.
Woke up in a different state, wearing only a bk crown. My boxers are in a tree and I think I went to the hospital last night.....
I told you not to do acid with the girl who works the late shift at 7-11
I accidentally screamed the wrong name last night. He stopped for a second, said "fuck it, you're too hot to care," and then continued fucking me.
That white girl was surprised to see orange pubes around my black cock. Happy Halloween!
Just had a flashback of dry humping a man lying in the street while Jim (dressed as santa) screams 'HAVE YOU BEEN A GOOD BOY?!'
well after pounding on the ceiling for 5 mins i just went up there to tell them to shut up.. 2 hours later i'm naked, high, lying on their kitchen floor. it escalated so quickly
HOW AM I SUPPOSED TO GET MY FUCKING CUPCAKES WHEN THE GROUNDSWORKER I HOOKED UP WITH IS LOITERING IN THE VENDING AREA
Is it just me, or do you see your penis in that hand?
They just broke the window so they could get in and smoke the taxi driver out...
After an hour of searching for my pants, we had three people looking. They were finally found in the oven.
i was too drunk before they even got here. i took all their phones instead of keys and hid them in the freezerr...im an awesome party host.
The bouncers found you passed out on the toilet. They tried to move you but you refused and repeatedly shouted that you wanted to go out like Elvis.
He brought me a bottle of Jack, got me off 3 times, & then left. This is the best fakelationship ever!
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