Are you missing anything? I found a wedding ring in my bed this morning.....
just found my calculator watch from 6th grade. the hipster transformation is complete
i wrote her a fucking poem. i better get laid for that
Talking about the game in the closet with a banana wearing sunglasses.
You mean the girl who was passed out face down on the bathroom floor until 10 AM? You're right, she was cute.
You were Q-tipping mashed potatoes out of your ear.
I asked you if you needed a ride and you kept saying "no, my name is katelyn"
He told me my outfit made me look like a twelve year old then proceeded with "but you don't look like a whore"
my drivers license is super glued to my shoulder and im to hung over to get it off come and help me
Whatever. I hate you. My vagina hates you. I hope a bird shits on your head today.
Then I'll go home and you two can do whatever two same sex heterosexual soul mates do
I don't go out. I live in my room watching Bridget Jones and thanking my vibrator for existing.
Dude, never piss off a hungover boss.
Hey, sorry I choked you last night... I was just really excited to see you.
Shit day. Some kids decided to open my car at 3 AM while I was at work and the alarm went off. I went after them with a sword but they were minors so I didn't kill them.
Randomize
