what is the aproppriate waiting time between having sex and playing super Mario brothers
6 min
I hate drunken dyslexia, i thought she said "someone to do" not "something to do" long story short i now have a restraining order.
he was holding his dick in one hand and my boob in the other and i looked down and thought, this is my life
I mean besides the fact someone got stabbed, I still had a pretty good night.
hes fine. but he did fall asleep while tebowing and started snoring
Halfway through she said I was exactly like she imagined. So many things have been stroked this night.
For future reference. Do not congratulate the bar tender at oscars she is not pregnant she has just gotten fat u will get a shot thrown in your face
Also, thank you for letting me cry in your lap on the bathroom floor. I can't remember if I was clothed at that point, but if I wasn't, extra thank you.
just woke up on a lounge chair wearing a durag and holding burrito wrappers in my hands
he started frosting cupcakes and licking the mini-spatula realllllly deliberately and i don't know if i'm more attracted to him or the cupcakes
I wore a shirt that says "more tequila" to my bday party last year and that's why I want to be my own friend
I wish there was a morning after pill for dominoes.
Yeah just had sex and grub hub came right after he did. I’d say it’s a win.
If you needed to get laid tonight all you had to do was ask
You now have a new job. Call me around 1pm everyday and make sure I've eaten something. All I've had today is dick and cheesecake.
Randomize