Nailed a drunk college girl before the CU game Saturday, and a drunk married woman after the Broncos game Sunday.
Some perfection is debatable.
i wish there was a holiday celebrated with pizza eating
I just used a franzia box to scrape the snow off my car.
or how I got to mom's but there is vomit on my shoes. I never thought i'd be recapping with her.
was just hit on by a homeless lesbian. forever alone.
Exactly how does jacking off in my purse count as a 'early christmas present'?
I maybe late, he's in a peeing contest with the neighbor's dog. Currently he's in the lead.
my roommate just showed me the scar on her forehead... that she got from a shake weight... That. just. happened.
I'm sorry, you're actually right. Ostrich racing happens, and they're ridden like a horse. Bewildered and distraught.
I tried snowmobiling at 2 am. I broke my glasses. You're right. Things do get out of control.
Have you ever just sat there and thought about past penises?
Dude. I'm no longer allowed to use my sword when drinking. I just spent 20 min cleaning up popcorn. I stabbed Moe in the leg and chopped his door knob off
This is like 50 shades on steroids but with healthy relationship models and mutual respect among all parties involved and lesbian activity.
I was a psycho gf all the time...I'm sorry
I was drunk 90% of the time...tit for tat
I had a threesome with my hot neighbor and his GF and by threesome I mean I heard them getting it on in their apartment and I was in my apartment with a vibrator
and I may have moaned his name loud enough that they heard me because now he won’t make eye contact
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