im poppin the ladies like they're bacne
My professor is talking about sperm and all I can think about is my mouth
Just saw a dude hanging out a window upside down chugging a 60 of vodka. This weekend is big for everyone I guess
Trying to grind with crutches was not a success
haha she has always seemed a little off. when i met her i was told she was the queen slut. and she had a crown on at the time. it seemed appropriate.
its official: beach shits are the exact same as mountain shits
An old lady WILL get vomited on today.
Shaving my legs with an ankle monitor on is surprisingly more difficult than the drunk driving that got me here
Btw. Being a stripper for a week without anyone knowing to pay off my school loan is no longer in my agenda.
That's what I love about being a lesbian. My roommate's boyfriend watched her finger me and then he made me pancakes in the morning. AND THEN HE LEFT.
Is it bad that I have more guilt over drunk eating Doritos than hooking up with my ex's best friend last night?
Grrr. Fine. You get oral for being unwrong.
Oh god theyre drunkenly throwing knifes now, definitely the best movie I've worked on
Why don’t they have healthy alcohol yet?
This is either going to be a hilarious catfish or the fuck trophy of the century.
Randomize
