Memo to the bitch sitting across from me at Swamp: no one thinks you're classy with your Louis Vuitton and your Burberry scarf when you're dragging on that cig like it was the last cock on earth and you needed cum for sustenance.
She’s leaving for college so I made her a gift basket with all the essentials. You know- Ramen, a 12 pack of PBR, some leftover Plan B pills and a laminated business card for a good lawyer. Damn I’m a good big sister.
I'm not sure, but I think she had a tampon in when we fucked
and on the second day it was tequilla tuesday. and the lord saw it was good.
You swear the intervention is for her? I've fallen for that one twice.
Just bought a breathalyzer and Sharpies, guess who thought of a new drinking game
Giving my coworkers lap dances cuz it was my turn to decide our team bonding exercise. Go happy hour!
The perfect world is just rainbows and rocknroll and good sex. With the occasional stripper ridIng a horse. I spelled occasionally right?
Only sluts go out in this weather carpe diem boys
I like the wholesome side of you
I'm so goddamned horny I could use all my pent up energy to tear a redwood out by its roots.
See this is where I mess up.. I get distracted by the option of consistent sex and free beer
she just kept pointing at the cows and calling them field penguins
Last time I had a one night stand he ended up stalking me for two months.
So you're not picking up this weekend?
This weekend, I am Angela, visiting from Calgary. We'll have to roleplay this.
they just got in argument over who had more of your dick pics. quit sending shit to my sisters fucker
I fished a Couples Masturbation DVD out of somebody’s trash and kept it. That’s how desperate I am.
Randomize
