i can't believe you bought a jetta. you know that's a girl car, right? if i hadn't had sex with you, i'd have no other proof you're straight.
it was better than the time i puked and I forgot to open the lid of the toilet
don't worry about the poodle she's always like that. she's like 14 years old and ate a bag of weed when she was a puppy.
I don't want her to kill herself before she gets over me, getting mentioned in a suicide note isn't very fly.
but it's kind of a high honor.
Some asshole just brought BK into my summer class, im already high as hell, i did not need another way to not pay attention
i was actually impressed that she managed to throw up underwater while scuba diving
I watched her choke out a bouncer with the broken strap from her purse, I think shes the one.
Showering in my swimsuit in hopes of getting the beer smell out.
We mailed him an 18 inch double headed dildo for his birthday. The Fedex guys certainly got a laugh out of it.
Look at you go. You're like the Slutty Librarian that Could. They should write children's books about you. Children's books for adults.
ever had the feeling "I've been drunk in this bathroom before?" Like De ja drunk?
What has my life come to that I have to spank someone in morse code?
Not all of us can be into hot dads. Some of us have to have commitment issues and be into musicians.
I planned out my poor life choices for the weekend.
You chugged Absolut from a beer bong. Why WOULDN'T you be a champion?
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