I asked a girl to buy her a drink, she had I have a boyfriend, so I said, well i have a goldfish, she said what? I replied, oh I'm sorry I thought we were talking about shit that doesnt matter.
I have been standing totally still for the past 6 minutes because I was convinced my foot was tied to the ground. It turns out it was a string of hair strewn across my foot
sweet and enthusiastic is code for tiny dick.
It feels like one of my ribs evaporated.
He filled four shots of Everclear and walked around saying "FREE VODKA SHOTS". he is to blame.
Hot freshmen.....hot freshmen chicks everywhere
You say this every welcome week, bro.
I played ping pong,drunk, with my hand instead of the paddle. And i won. I have hidden talents
My wife just tried to justify to me why she wants to bring a girl into bed with us. I should win an academy award for my face and response of 'well of its what you need.'
In other news I think my vagina is sunburnt
I know I'm going to throw up tonight it's just a matter of when and where
I just started talking about how noodles were so good
Oh, btw, UPS might come by. Drunk me ordered us $75 worth of gummy airhead starburst type candies. Whatever it is, it'll be delicious.
Perfect. I'll put on my party clothes and write emergency numbers on my arm
Guess who's now on the no-fly list? If you guessed me, you'd be right.
Do you think Root Touch Up or Just for Men would work better on pubes?
Randomize
