"You squeeze, we tiip biiiiiig" JB
you better believe me or I'll punch you in the face
I only knew it was midnight because i got happy new years texts while i puked outside
His dick was poking my bladder. That big...
Rubbed one out while on hold to buy tickets to Disneyland. Feel simultaneously like a freak and strangely productive.
I bought this skirt with every intention to have it wrapped around my tits by the end of the night. So, I'm not a whore. I'm a self-fulfilling prophecy.
sudden memory flashback: you and i having sex on the bed, erin sitting naked in your desk chair drinking whiskey straight from the bottle while harassing you for your computer password to play some "mood music." high five. go us.
If you're not peeing in public bi-monthly, you're not really living.
2 girls slept in my bed with me. 3 more girls slept on a mattress on my floor. The furthest I got was cuddling. Here's my man card.
You took a selfie with my hard dick and sent it to Scott with the caption 'Toldja'. It was hard to forget you're a teenager after that
People were wondering why I started hanging out with him after high school, the simple answer is now that I don't see his dorky ness everyday I can just focus on his amazing penis.
someone in the elevator just told me i looked like a struggle but i smell very pretty..
I repeat do not go to a jail visit drunk, those stools are easy to fall off.
Sometimes, being an adult means buying a bottle of whiskey after work and live tweeting the commercial breaks on food network.
She was cleaning herself at the bus stop. She also picked up gum off the ground and ate it
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