M and I are hungry and we are making your pizza in the fridge. But you're having sex and we're not so we dont feel bad.
Apparently he's never heard a queef, he totally thought I farted and got freaked out.
can we please move this conversation out of my vagina?
I am literally too baked to press the call button. How am I supposed to bone him?
Nothing like throwing up 1/2 price appatizers and 2 4 1 personal pitcher in uniform to remind myself what a succesful failure I am
DON'T LET IAN EAT HIS PEANUT BUTTER!!!
Just remembered that I poured a whole bottle of tylenol in there. It's chunky. It's deadly.
That's fun. I just masturbated and I swear my vagina creaked.
You are so lucky that drugs are going to kill you before I do.
No no no he wouldn't talk to me before I showed his best friend how good I am at twerking
"Let's do body shots off the freshmen" is officially the worst thing I've ever said.
Thanks for DJing my sex last night. You were on point 💜
I don't care. We're going to fuck. And I WONT apologize in the morning. You cheated on me, so you can cheat on her with me.
I don't know. Seeing the vagina stretched out beyond normal proportions is like watching your favorite superhero die.
Campus scavenger hunt! and by scavenger hunt I mean all the pharmacies are sold out of Plan B.
I teamed up with my vagina. I compromised his morals and then she corrupted him for good. It’s been a very successful and slutty partnership
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