Wish i knew that 10 minutes ago when i told him to dance with my blackberry while i got another drink
we both passed out while playing beer pong, woke up in the morning and continued to play coffee pong to cure our hangovers
i pounded out a 17-yr-old on saturday night
no, that is not a typo
i turned her down on fri night, googled the state consent laws & then caved on saturday
there's no food at this bar, but i'm pretty sure vodka is made of wheat so i'm basically drinking bread.
and when he finished he handed me a baby wipe so i could clean up. i'm ok with the fact that he has kids, but not sure how to react to this.
My vagina supports interfraternal relations
Bonus points if someone shits their pants. Only 1/2 bonus points if it's you
Bonus points are bonus points regardless
I want to figure out a way to work "if you suddenly die, I might turn into an extreme hoarders" into my valentines day poem
He's both a cowboy and a firefighter. Saying "no" was not an option.
I haven't been this unsober in a long time. I feel like I am observing myself. Like I am a test subject for alcohol. I wish my brain would shut up and let me be a normal drunk.
Pizza rolls are incredible. They are like sex, except I have them sometimes
They should make eskimo sister bracelets. OMG WE NEED BRACELETS WITH IGLOOS ON THEM.
If I take one more surprise finger up the ass this week there will be hell to pay.
If you needed to get laid tonight all you had to do was ask
He said when the pizza came I zip locked one slice and went to the couch and snuggled with it. Does that give you an idea of how my night was?
Randomize
