i'm telling everyone you had sex with a puerto rican drug lord
My carpet still smells like piss and I THINK YOU KNOW WHY.
I just drove by a church. On the sign out front was written 'crocodile cock'. On both sides.
have you ever been in a public bathroom and someone walked in, and you played "Fat or Crying" based on her breathing?
i feel like pocahontas...the disney character not from real chance of love
Is it ironic that the girl with the horse face is also on the equestrian team?
Oh yes. Made out with a grandmother..... she had fake boobs and it was 330am. That makes it okay.
Mardi gras at its finest.
They knew I had a party because the refrigerator settings were different, but they don't notice that we installed a new toilet seat so it's okay.
Accidentally hit on the same girl twice at the bar, she give me her number both times though so I think its cool.
oh yeah, there may or may not be a large boa loose in the house when you get home.
Going to the u of w I constantly have that moment of, oh hey I felt you up at that rave at folk fest that one time. Winnipeg is too small.
Admittedly shitfaced... I have two questions. 1)why is the fan in my bathroom on? (Sub-text: is there a ghost?). 2) is your underwear really argyle?
You have a husband. I have a bag full of electronics. This, is the single life.
He showed up at my house with roses and a bottle of vodka... to watch a movie. obvi i took the vodka and didn't sleep with him
Don't EVER mix a flaming shot, with a Jello shot.. As good as it sounds flaming Jello is not a good idea
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