the shit that comes out of a woman's mouth when she knows you can't hit her is fucking unbelieveable
Are you dead or are you taking another 13 hour nap? you need to let me know these things ahead of time so i dont worry.
I looked at you and you stared at me dead in the eyes then sprayed febreze at your crotch and winked.
Well if he truly loves me he will just have to accept my flaws. And that includes a tequila dependency and borderline lesbianism.
Finals are done.. I just wanna get drunk and pretend I'm a seahorse.
His penis could choke an elephant. A baby elephant... But an elephant non the less.
You're a waste of cheezeits
Lesson learned:nothing good comes from an at home wax kit.
Tomorrow we start training our livers for St.Patrick's day. May God be with us.
I need dunkaroos back in my life.
Do you want to go soon I'm overthinking life and my butthole again
I'll just bring the big suitcase this trip so I don't have to play wine bottle tetris again.
You do realize he's just an extension of his penis, right?
What do you mean not that crazy? I had sex last night. with my\nBOSS. in the restaurant where we WORK.... ON A DINNER TABLE.
Tinder has really served to stimulate the number of sex related demons summonings.
Randomize
