you shoved the noah's ark of animal crakers in your mouth saturday.
nothing like celebrating the fact that you're not a father by trying to impregnate other women
you called me and cried until i agreed to record a rap about our lives with you
please stop judging me for buying a handle of soco on a thursday at 10am. it was on sale, i'm thinking of my future.
You put your shot glass in your waistband and then told me how convinent it was.
Just got tipped $5 for distracting some dude's gf while he got another girl's number. Bro-code at its finest.
They want me to get them some X for there wedding present. I'm on the way to get it now
some fat dude with wolverine facial hair just walked out of your room with a snuggie. explanation needed.
we drunk the bar out of liquor so the guy was selling us bottles of wine for $2a each. Only good thing to come outta this flood
I was more than drunk as hell I have rug burn on my elbows from ninja roles on the ground..
The Deck is crawling with Cougars. Sound the irresponsibility alarm and come drink with me on a Tuesday night.
cops tried arresting me on the way to class this morning.. this is my life.
This morning I found four opened yet full beers on my desk and my towel rack pulled off the wall and in bed with me
Was I drunk or did Alex not show up with 100 rainbow Jell-O shots?
My room looks so cute. Who wouldn't want to hook up with me in here?
Randomize
