I got to see an enormous amount of vagina this morning.
just peed on my foot to get a spider off. that lazy.
The only word I understood in that whole setence was semen.
he kept yelling THIS ISNT AMATEUR HOUR
I just broke a sweat shaving my own vagina. Something has got to change.
I just need to repress my desire to share my impressive chugging abilities with the world and I won't black out so much
I will be your sherpa up the mountain of gayness
Turns out the average person our age has never run from the cops. Life: we're doing it right.
how do you ask an olympian for your underwear back?
Waking up in a NH rest stop and reading through my texts is definitely a familiar low
The girl next to me looks like the young version of sara (bonnie hunt) in jumanji. I wanna be like PLAY THE GAME SARA!!!!"
Then we woke up and they shouted "Emergency Vodka!!" and that's how we got redrunk.
I never realized how you can accidentally go home with someone until tequila got involved.
Note to self: never fuck a Canadian, surprisingly highly disappointing
Last time he showed up for Christmas he went on and on about backpacking somewhere and getting ghonnorreah twice.
Randomize
