We were chasing that deer in the quad and next thing I remember I woke up in my RAs bed. I'm probably in trouble.
You finger a girl once and she thinks she loves you. I'm going back to boys. Lesbians are needy.
With sake I got over my irrational fear of seafood. Now I just fear sake.
i wish every aspect of life was like a bar. flirt with the cute guy two feet across from you and get whatever you want for free
Do you think Tom Brady went home tonight and changed his facebook status to "pink with lace"?
the last thing i remember was trying to convince him to call over his girlfriend so we could have a threesome
I'm drunk enough to talk Barbara Walters outta her panties
everybody makes mistakes
i didn't know they allowed you to text in ambulances
You would not believe how incredibly hard it is to climb on top of a three story apartment buildings roof from the air conditioning unit
Most awkward car ride ever. Kid in the front seat was bawling, 2 in the backseat were ready to fight, and I was giving the last kid a handie. This needs to stop happening to us.
The word cocktail makes me want to rip my liver out and nail it to a cross.
I just spilled grey goose in my hair. You could say I keep it classy for the family Christmas parties.
It's settled. One of us is going to bang her brother. The world demands justice and he's hot. We'll be the justice league if it were made of alcoholic whores
Idk I wanna make it till midnight but I also want tequila
What color nail polish screams, "Either fuck me or get the hell out of my way"?
Randomize
