I just want to know how you cleaned her puke off the twister mat with no gloves. And didn't throw up
Miserable. My projectile vomit just woke me up from a 5.5 hour nap.
Just hooked up with a girl I met in line at Taco Bell. I told you leave me to do my own thing and I'll get it in
His ankle bracelet went off in the middle of sex. That makes a girl reevaluate her life...
I just had a contest with the toilet to see who could hold their breath longest.
I won
WE COULD TOTALLY DO ECSTASY AND GO TO THAT CAT SHELTER OFF OF BROADWAY.
DAMMIT Im supposed to be running a company not discussing dick piercings!
moms trying to set me up with a 28 year old. hes graduated university like im getting high in my bed and he's an adult
Stormed out of the house in frustration and now I'm in public and have to take a rage dump. Today sucks.
The cat just walked up and made eye contact with me while I had sex. I'm going to have to burn the house down with him in it.
you went to ralph's and bought all of their pears and left them outside my house
Yo this huge scar on my head from the car accident is truly a vag magnet. Probably because I'm telling people I was attacked by a mountain lion and killed it with my bare hands. But hey when life gives you lemons, you use them to get pussy
Evidently I placed three booty calls at the same time...it was an ugly scene. I'm never getting that high again.
What kind of terrible faithless God would allow vodka and one ply toilet paper to coexist?
is it bad that I'm more worried about having to take out my piercings than the fact that I might be having a kid
Randomize