You should just wear a sign that says "I like cheap Chinese food and anal"
I like taco bell too
how can i change my meal plan to a keystone plan?
When he was fingering me, it felt/looked like he was digging around for pocket change.
I need you to send me a picture of your dick. I want to forward it to that girl and you and i both know you're more impressively sized
Now I have to set an alarm for less than 6 hours from now to wake her up, get her showered and get her to her first day of tutoring a kid from her church. WTF is my life?
I should never be allowed to dance around children at weddings. I think I just insured that a 4 year old will be a future teen mom.
Mcnellies. I'm drunk enough that you have a window. Capitalize.
Apparently there was a black out and the security alarms went off except I was convinced it was the microwaves and made ben unplug them all then got really frustrated cos he wasnt doing it right
I'm listening to Michael Jackson while drinking vodka, alone. Honestly, l wish I could Moonwalk my way back to when I knew wtf was going on in my life.
I'm happy I peed in your laundry basket last night
He kept spinning my wedding ring like thanks buddy I remember
Apparently I bought a laptop last night, then gave the laptop to a friend who was going to give it to her friends' friend to put some cool shit on it. Anyway, I have no idea where my new laptop is now.
Drinking wine while working. Yay.
Just had sex at the YMCA.
We are so productive today.
Apparently I was carrying around a bottle of listerine calling it 5 loco
hey i'm sure you are probably asleep bc you suck and think sleep is necessary to live or something?
Randomize
