I know...I feel like disliking her as a person on facebook
just left the emergency room. condom extraction.
So after we got done with our cardiac arrest patient, I thought how awesome would it be to hook up the defibrillator pads to cook a burrito.
dude... how have they not drug tested you yet?
also since I use google voice my ads in gmail switched to DUI services after this conversation
We have started to decorate penises.
I woke up smelling like chlorine with a broke toe. They know how to fucking party on lake lanier.
I feel like I got ass raped in the brain.
Like I feel like I use my high IQ for the wrong things
I had to hypnotize my roommate last night so there's that.
You put on some guys Birkenstocks that were abandoned on the dance floor overtop of your flats. Then ran out of the bar high gives the bouncer and said "look at my new kicks" then he was like woah wait a minute someone is missing those and made you return them. You were very upset
I wish I had a picture of me and ron helping that stripper lick her own vagina
I'd marry him just to keep his penis in the country
I can't believe you're forcing me to handle this hangover sober
Just so you know sleeping with you is like skydiving commando in a flightsuit made of kittens
That's the most romantic thing I've ever heard
So do I get points for screwing my recently single ex boyfriend and then telling him to go fight for his ex back?
Like sometimes I’ll be hangry but for dick
Randomize
