I just saw a girl make a shank with the underwire in her bra...
she insisted i was the anonymous guy on formspring that kept asking to bang her
Clearly I went along with it
He then proceeded to tell me about his enlarged lymph nodes, his"severe" case of blue balls.
I feel like hell. The amount of black beans I found in my hair tells me I hit rock bottom
I just opened a bottle of wine with a shoe and a tube of mascara. Get on my level
I am convinced that after two dates and a few adult sleepovers that he still doesn't know my name.
We are sitting here staring into each others eyes, mutually rubbing forks up and down our respective noses. High as balls doesn't even begin to cover it.
He had a joint rolled for us when he picked me up. It's how ASU does romance
I woke up with my wool blanket soaking wet on the dorm room floor, and my sweatshirt hanging on the shower door down the hall. So basically my camp-out-in-the-bathroom idea didn't turn out as planned
I basically gave Miranda rights to the guy I hooked up with, jus so we were all clear what was happening
this is the last time i am going to a 7am booty call
Hey it's Males-You-Probably-Wish-You-Hadnt-Had-Sex-With Monday. MYPWYHHSWM
The look of disappointment from my cat while I take nudes...
My boobs weigh the same amount as 25 pancakes
Apparently the girl he banged in the bathroom yelled at him for hitting on me all night. But whatever, he was holding her hand for most of it
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