We have nothing in common but the sex rocks, would it be awful to develop a drug habit just to have a topic of conversation?
you would not believe what I got pierced last night...
son, I feel like that is a phrase a father never wants to hear.
I havnt even moved into my new place yet and there's already a county sheriffs card taped to the door with my name on it asking me to call him
The fact that I pulled something plastic out of my mouth after taking that shot is starting to concern me.
WHITE RUSSIAN WEDNESDAY. TELL YOUR CO WORKERS. INVITE QND PREPARE
Why is there a chicken nugget nailed to my front door?
WHY did you say no to the sex seance?
You were running around waving the flier in everyone's face and thats how we ended up in a church eating free breakfast tacos at 3 am
I felt like a responsible adult. A responsible adult that may or may not end up shitfaced. But not heaving purple puke into a urinal like last time because I'm classy now.
A boy just offered to come over and help me clean my house. I hope you are more successful than he will be tonight.
He got the life proof phone case so he could jack off in the shower without his wife knowing
Micheal let me call him captain america while we fucked. It was awesome
A stripper choked me last night. Then I choked her. Now we're going on a date this Saturday.
The only thing I want for my birthday is a divorce from you.
Even after hearing me fuck his friend twice in one night, he still follows me around like a puppy.
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