What do you call a girl with PMS and GPS?
A crazy bitch that WILL find your ass!
Feels weird sitting between two guys who've had their heads between my legs in a 24 hour span.
Just tried to use the bottle of Sprite in my car as mouthwash to get the taste of puke out of my mouth- it's half vodka. Puked again. Thanks man.
The other night after we fucked we talked about Lowe's vision insurance. Never fuck a coworker.
Whatever. He's going to tie me up tonight whether he wants to or not.
I'm really good at handling things like foreskin and speech impediments.
It gave me the St Patrick's Day nickname Slutty McShitfaced. I've never felt so understood.
I feel like I just did it with Buster from Arrested Development. Taking a shower. #winefail
Just got referred to as "the girl from Tuesday night" at the Taco Bell drive thru...what happened on my birthday?!
On a scale of one to Harambe, how attached were you to your goldfish?
I need to stop acting like a porn star that isn't getting paid
There we go, I shall begin my attempt to achieve whore status today
i don't care if you are my best friend. does not give you the right to describe how well my sister gives blowjobs.
how about your cousin?
Dude there's ten thousand dollars worth of damage to the kids house and three thousand in stolen property and his dog is missing he is pissed
If I give him back his dog do you think he'll invite me to the next party
Omg dude take a shower. You'll feel like god washed away all the sinful shit we did last night.
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