when i say i joined a midget dating site why do u assume i was drunk
it was beautiful and magic like when a hot girl grabs her own tits and smiles at you
i don't mind that he's uncut. i like it! it's like a little sweater!
a cock doensn't need a sweater! especially a skin sweater! wtf.
That's like some buffalo bill hannibal lector shit.
Of course she said it wasn't that good, I don't bring my A game to pity fuck the thrice divorced girl from work
I feel like he knows I had a dream about him eating me out in the janitors closet at the holiday party. He's giving me THAT look.
I just had a flash of memory of me asking all of the girls if they were on their periods. If they said yes I said it made us moon sisters.
The melted ice in my drinks tonight is probably the most water I've had in like 3 days accumulated.
Just be happy that you're the pretty friend. Otherwise you would have had to walk home alone, like me.
And then you proceeded to sneak behind thee bar and hold up an empty bottle of vodka and scream LOOK WHO THE BARTENDER IS NOW BITCH!
Some cougar Brit said she loved me. America is bouncing back.
I knew I was in trouble when she kept referring to the next day as things we should do
So you brought her to my house and left her on my couch.
Getting dressed and listening to the song Buffalo Bill danced to in Silence of the Lambs. I'm a perfect psych major.
You said if the geese can walk on the lake so can I.
Apparently i'm now known as the kid who was double fisting tequila and pedialyte.
I'm gonna ask his dad. Weed trumps broken heart any day.
Randomize
