But if ***** wants to get filthy... Tell her to throw a text my way ;)
The midget we rented got so drunk last night he got carted off in an ambulance
20 yrs from now I just want to barge in her house and yell at her kids, "I took ur moms virginity!"
nope im down the street in my car watching the front of her house. its actually less creepy than it sounds
I feel like I just gave a blowjob to a freight train.
also, I heard you can donate your eggs for like $8gs....hellloooo mediterranean vacation. thank youuuu future babies!!!
I'VE CAME 4 TIMES TODAY. I AM AS DRY AS THE SAHARA, STOP YOUR WHINING.
Poorly worded request for dick pic resulted in stoned beanie selfies and "lol". Miscommunication is the devil's cock block.
I feel like that's something that he should've asked me over dinner..... instead of with his hand down my pants? maybe not
Still stoned. I like your bong. It can stay. No others, though.
My mom said she saw you at the grocery store. Said you looked like you were "headed for a Lindsay Lohan quarter life crisis of sorts"
Desperate times call for desperate measures. But he promised me no small talk so that was nice
The uber man and I sat in silence. With my underwear in my purse and my dress shoved in the pocket of the hoodie the guy gave me.
Currently tripping balls and watching Pink Floyd the wall and I'm crying during it. If this isn't a self realization then I don't know what to tell you.
I called him the wrong name all night, yet I still got a ride home from the party and hooked up with the guy. I'm irresistible.
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