come outside for a special surprise it involves huge boobs
Just wrote the directions to get to the girls house im hooking up with on the back of my marriage certificate. Officially worst husband ever.
I really hope our interview with channel 6 last night doesn't air or else my parents are gona get a first hand look at my alcohol problem
he told me my vagina was like a beautiful piece of salami
Obama's speech on in 9 mins. Me in the shower now. Naked. Make your choice.
I'm bringing the tv in with me.
I'm missing a sock, a boot, and antlers. We need to get on that.
Pretty sure that molly fried my sinus infection away; i regret nothing
He used Kanye West lyrics to justify what happened and I accepted his logic
downside - we got stuck at the intersection before the santa clause parade started and had to wait for it to end. upside - i got frontrow seats and a blow job to the santa clause parade.
Probably won't be invited back there again considering last time his purebred corgi ate my pot brownie and had to be rushed to the hospital.
I'd marry him just to keep his penis in the country
He overslept for our prescheduled morning sex. The fact that my vagina isn't enough to get him out of bed was the last straw.
It must have been good head...he put down the Xbox controller
I was masterbating to some porn on my phone and my mom decides to text me "are you okay?" I mean i was doing great until you cock blocked me mom..
You told me not to tell you found out you're pregnant..
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