there is nothing more satisfying than playing sudoku while pooping
On my way home from Vegas. Just realized my pants are inside out
According to last night if you on the sidewalk at 12 a|m\nYour a WHORE !
she said shes getting her period tomorrow so she wants to have sex now. i didnt object. it would have been heartless.
ofcourse you didnt.
first day of class and my professor asked me if i was going to come to class drunk all semester.
mom in a round about way told me to either donate my eggs or become a surrogate bcuz I need money.
I have to have sex with him again. I feel like I need to train him so no other girl experiences that bad of sex.
He looked at me and said "Last call" before putting his penis away into his boxers
As a female I reserve the right to put my ipod in my cleavage because I have no pockets and not get judged by other girls right??
I'm just gonna start letting dudes eat it. American idol for my vagina
Have you ever just like not slept in so long that everything looks like a lava lamp?
if a CSI technician examined our hotel room with a black light he'd think we hit the Pulse button a DNA blender without a lid
Playing Cards Against Humanity with my relatives at Christmas while I'm stoned was a bad idea...
When Dad gets to your house, ask him about the sound of anal beads. Happy Thanksgiving!
I’m so poor I’m filling a flask with vodka and bringing it to the bar.
Randomize
