You covered in salsa con queso would take care of all of my cravings right now
i got a mint flavored condom from wellness day...im kind of tempted to taste it
She keeps sending, "show me your elephant trunk."
hot buttered vodka was not a success. on any level.
You told me if you could get your shoes on, you deserved a coke and rum. We never made it to the party.
You can't tell me you've honestly NEVER considered smoking a Froot Loop
Holy shit, Uber is testing a service to summon an ice cream truck.
Bring me the penis of the founder so I may endlessly fellate him. Or cunnalinge. I don't discriminate.
Why the hell did you invite him? He's gonna bring two more inches of dick and zero fun.
I'm going to make "gut the love salmon" a common slang term for sex. Spread the word.
So note to self oboe reeds soaked in Apple Rubinoff sound GREAT.
This question may sound intrusive, but how did pushing out a baby affect your vagina?
i would compare it to sliding down a velcro-covered fireman's pole naked. no more bearded men for me.
He put his name in my phone as David Hot Guy With Tattoos and I fell in love because that's what I was going to change his name to anyways
Why can't burritos get me drunk
You know you started drinking too early in the day when you have a hangover at midnight
thats called having FUN
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