I think I'm going to start texting all the people that don't want to talk to me
Answer the phone when I call you in a second. Just got pulled over for getting road head, going to secretly put you on speaker phone, this should be good
When the phrase "Wow your huge" came out of her mouth I knew it was gonna be a good night.
I have left a significant number of teethmarks in my prhone. My mouth tastes like tequila and cheddar. Tomorrow already feels fun.
Also how the fuck did i get like 30 brown napkins
it's like her boobs came off with her bra
He blew a load on his roommates pillow just to piss him off. Why did you introduce me to these people?
I'm spoon feeding myself tequila for breakfast, should we skip class today?
I'm on a treadmill at the gym ordering pizza on my phone so it'll get to my house around the time I get home. I NEED HELP. Or I'm a genius. I haven't decided.
I'm making a quesadilla and including it in the picture because that's the only way I think I can send her dick pics.
There has been a song made about you fucking his roommate.
It's destiny.
But did u die
I found an onion in my purse
Im so hungover I just threw up at the sight of a CARTOON CRABBY PATTY
She came out of the bathroom listening to her iPod and crying. Then she started scream 'she will be loved'. She seems to be handling the break up well lol
You said the best orgasm you ever had, you gave to yourself. your boyfriend looked really disappointed. so did half the room.
Randomize
