Those balls look pretty dangerous.
man i wonder what i would be like if i had never started smoking weed
I had sex with her because I didn't want to hurt her feelings.. You're the one who told me I should be more sensitive.
God I love babysitting. They pay me $10 an hour to watch movies and sext
Snorting lines of xanex off the back of my grandparents toilet before church. Thinking of u.
My parents are takin me for chinese food for my 4/20 present.
I fucking hate you.
So for future reference.... it's a little unnerving when I can't get hold of you, and the last communication we had was, "Oh fuck... It's tequila"
Eye surgery went well. Just can't believe it took getting lasers through my eyes to temporarily stop the vivid sex dreams I was having
what the hell is that chicken wire thing she's holding?
An artistic expression of her stupidity.
My night just got really weird. In a sit down stall bathroom at this nice resturaunt and this guy walks in as I rip a humongous porcelain-splitting fart. Well, I hear him stop for a second. He then opens the door to the stall next to mine, sits down and says, "player two has entered the game."
Did you win?
I just googled "can they trace a vibrator back to you" so that' s how my life it going.
I have a terrible feeling that I made out with a fraternity last night
My makeup bag looks like it has lips and wants to sing to me... Too high?
Getting on a bus with a beer pong table. I am proof we can make this campus fun.
I refuse to shit my pants for anyone except Cher and Christina Aguilera!
Randomize
