I just woke up in the back of his van. Bring me a sunkist.
i'm so desperate for a drink right now i looked up the recipe to make pruno
Hey babe, chan wants you to stop texting her about the size of TJ's dick. please.
worst. lesbian. ever. i'm not sure she knows a clit from a pencil eraser.
It's sad how good I am at giving people diseases
yes, the chronicles of narnia is exactly what happens when you do crack inside of a wardrobe.
I'm not sure what happened last night, but my turtle seems afraid of me.
Literally just spent 45 minutes converting my paintball gun to shoot condoms....
Saw an eatery called Rusty Taco. That sooo could be me.
At the same time that I bought plan b I got some Girl Scout cookies too. It's not a total loss for you.
There is a 90 percent chance I threw up in a mailbox last night....
So much easier to puke and rally now that my gluten's under control
we are the apple cider girls!
I am so not sober enough to have a 5 minute conversation in Spanish
One of my favorite March activities is cropdusting people while wearing a kilt.
I think I fell in love last night
That guy had a face tattoo and was named Cheddar. Please tell me you’re kidding.
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