there are some really hot girls on the bus. i want to lips them
i just walked in on him masterbating..to a picture of me. that definitely has to be true love.
just caught a 10 year old kid staring at my dick next to me in the urinal. i just nodded to him and said yeah, mines bigger little dude. i gotta stop drinking in public....
he called AT&T to make sure that he had insurance before he threw his cell phone into the fountain.
No mixer. Vodka in yogurt?
i'm gonna start fucking more girls with asthma. help feed my ego.
seeing two freshman taking a cab home at noon on a Monday makes me realize how much worse my life choices could have been
Oh my god. A memory of last night just came to me. One of our neighbors joked about Thomas having a big dick and I just kept shaking my head profusely.
I just looked at your pics on Facebook....there was cake? Where the fuck was I!?
Please tell me you're not home alone watching Glitter.
Can you see in?
The guy I'm talking to drunk texted me his essay last night and he asked me to revise it
I wish I had a Tina from Bob's Burgers in real life. She would be the best wingman.
Hell no. Last time I used a Slip N Slide I ended up with bruised ribs, a broken fence and the hatred of a half naked girl with a sprained wrist.
Act your age.
I am. I'm acting like a drunk 20 year old.
I am a bad person
You slept with him. Was it good?
I wasnt going to but I was too lazy to blow up the air mattress
Randomize
