Sad Moment: I only had enough $ at 711 to buy chips or salsa. I chose salsa and took a plastic spoon
you're kinda like the weird girl from The Breakfast Club after the makeover. i mean you're pretty, but you're still weird as fuck
You going out tonight?
No I am at the hospital. Throwing up blood is apparently frowned upon.
He wants to make love to me in a sea of paint and wash my tears away with the brushes surrounding us..I've known him for 2 days.
Tonight marks the 1 yr anniversary of me waking up in a bush. is that reason enough to celebrate?
can you blow me for old times sake
only for old times sake
Thanks, college. Tonight's decisions brought to you by margs in a nalgene.
Drunk at ten am watching Californication re runs. Being divorced rules.
Apparently it is frowned upon to ask the bouncer to stop pointing his flashlight in your face and step back so you can puke....and then do it
My unemployment came through so I'd like to thank the taxpayers of Utah in advance for my level of intoxication this weekend
Because it's not worth it. And there is no nice way of saying "sorry, you're not good enough at sex for me to drive 45 mins"
I just bought a bottle of lube for my car.
I feel like I'm pretty optimistic for a girl that might be pregnant.
I HAVENT HAD A NICE A NICE DICK SINCE FEBRUARY!! I WANNA KEEP THIS ONE!!!
I was taking this cougar home in the middle of the night I walked across the hall all naked to take a piss and ran into to some chick from highschool she said no way you are fucking my mom ran into her moms room and started yelling at her
Randomize
