we're at the bar and some girl dropped a bottle of burnettes strawberry vodka out of her purse and it broke.
i mean, if that's not class, then i don't know what is
I feel like I'm in a bed a bagels and mistakes.
It's gonna be pretty hard to find a homeless person that takes crackers as currency.
I went up to get a drink from the hotel room. And ended up getting arrested in the lobby. Spring break has not been forgiving this year.
I just sat there and watched paula deen's face melt for an hour.
Did i mention i'm like the equivilent of a prepubescent boy suffering from preejaculacy? I just about creamed my pants when he grabbed my hand..
FYI, Sammie and I made the executive decision that we're getting a pet octopus and keeping it in the ballpit. Just thought you should know.
It's national boyfriend day supposedly, would it be appropriate if I posted a picture of my dildo?
I'm drinking with a guy who is a bigger asshole than me. We started a contest.
I hate waking up Sunday morning and thinks "how many friends did I lose last night".... Normally it's between 1-5.
BTW, you ever shave a dick into my dog, I'll cut you. I'll laugh first, but then I'll cut you
I cant see straight, her clothes are all over my floor and I'm covered in bite marks... No I will not go to brunch with you
You will bone me until my eyeballs fall out. This is not a request.
He slept outside in his hammock, and then took a lawn chair with him in the shower because he was too drunk to stand up.
I might have to quit marching band. It's affecting my drinking schedule
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