I used the word aforementioned in my paper. That's an automatic A in community college.
I wrote a list of all my homework due in the next few weeks. I feel I've done enough for tonight.
Its what jesus would do if there were bud light in his time. I feel obligated.
Last night, I accomplished the impossible. I pissed while riding my bicycle home without pissing all over myself. My Dutch friends gave me a round of applause and said I was now the king of holland.
Like it was the Mama Mia of shit shows. That bad.
if i got ashes i think they'd burn a hole into my head with the amount of sins i've committed this year alone and it's only february
Dude. That is just waaaay to much random to process after that tequila battle.
dude, no lie, I would make out with you in front of them wearing nothing but a rainbow colored speedo
Ohh man. That was a snatch-waxer with a score to settle.
I don't believe in coincidence. I believe in the stars aligning perfectly to sodomise me in public. Who ever said I was cynical?
You will drink beer in a kiddie pool in your back yard but you wont bring a girl home
I washed my sheets. I did out of respect for my previous and current sexual partners.
I want to have sex in my car again before I put the car seat back in
All I wanted was to die alone with my dogs....how did I end up here
I don't know if I should laugh or punch you
SPICY FOODS AND BLOWJOBS DON'T MIX.
YOU SAID YOU'D TRY ANYTHING ONCE YOU LIAR
Randomize
