look out your window.... he's holding his iphone up like a boombox playing you beach boys
the pub in dfw airport has a countdown timer to st. pattys day, to the second, i like texas
I have just two goals for this NYE. 1) get so drunk that every guy looks like Clive Owen 2) make out with as many Clive's as possible.
well you decided to make everyone "drinks" which was sprite and beer mixed.
I found bruises on my neck from barfing out the window.
He's like my sex unicorn. Elusive and majestic. I'll catch him, I'm baiting with patron.
Found out why I didn't have to go drug test. My boss grew pot to pay for grad school.
BTW. If I show up really drunk and dressed a cowboy, don't be alarmed
someone who i have in my phone as thundercock just said he was DTF
After the Patriots lost I punched him in the face. But I still feel like that isn't a good reason to dump me.
Did you like my voicemail? Sounded like I was being murdered, right?
By a pack of ravenous dildos
AND I JUST GOT FUCKING DAUGHTER ZONED. NO. I'M DONE. I HATE BOYS. ASEXUALITY HERE I COME.
do you ever wish you could like, jerk your heart off and be, like, emotionally satisfied? it'd feel like cuddling.
I fell out of the car while it was moving then got puked on then puked and cried about then got back in the car and puked out the window when we started moving again
We'll handle his penis the same way we handle day drinking; together.
Randomize
