We started snorting MDMA at 3 in the afternoon...it was never going to end well.
Why are you seriouly talking to me about this when there naked pics of blake lively on the internet? Priorities man...
Yea i think drunk-me kept all my bar receipts, just to throw it in sober-me's face.
You told me my blanket felt like ground beef.
At what point do you think my baptist preacher of a father will clue in that my brother "bringing a foreign exchange student" for thanksgiving means "bringing his european boyfriend and they'll probably fuck every night" for thanksgiving?
Im just using you for your dick and your superb survival skills if needed.
I don't want to ruin date night, but you have no idea how hard it is to poop whilst looking at cute puppies.
I forgot that places existed where drinking on Sunday is frowned upon. It's just so unreasonable.
I am stoned at Disneyland with my little brother. It's gonna be a good day.
I tried to order champagne at IHOP last night
Ok. You have started something that can only end with a picture of the inside of my butthole. It may happen today or next year, but it's on my agenda.
Today was brought to you by the letter B for beer and bourbon and the number fuck you I'm meant to be studying not hungover
There were containers of weed in the piñata. How much more Colorado does it get
I need a guy who can see in me what the lesbian community sees in me
holy shit! you were walking down a hill and just happened to be passing a trash can like 4 ft away and projectile vomited over a fence into the trash can. kept walking and drank a beer.
Randomize
