I've decided that I only have enough money to either eat or drink over the next month. I'm sure you know what choice I've made.
i feel like my life is a cheap remake of American Pie
she had a concussion and she still scored nine points higher than me on the midterm
All I kmoe is rheres a coffee pot full pf vodka in my purse
Meeting relatives from another state drenched in tequila and smelling of weed. I'm gonna kill you for soaking the only bra I brought in Jose Cuervo Gold.
You are very nonchalant about the high probability of us having an orgy.
Eh, I'm ok with this, this can work. We're the best kind of the worst people.
If you are wondering why there is half eaten pizza in your pocket it's because you were passed out with it in your hand in my bathtub. Today's your b-day and thought I'd give you a good idea about what happened last night as a present
he's gonorrhea incarnate
So I know we're not talking about this anymore buuuuuut I left heel marks on the wall.
After my date left I rallied and took the Asian girl home. Flexibility my friend.
'twas the night before moms weekend and all were blacked out. Not a coug was sober not even farm house. I was down to fuck but you were not in sight, so I bid pullmania a sweet goodnight.
So Doritos and vodka was obviously not as good an idea as I thought at the time.
Bored of what? I stayed up all night researching sex toys because I'm excited to do things with you that I haven't done in 29 years of having a body.
I love you as a roommate, but you GOTTA start using the door dude..
Forget about letting a 70-year-old man suck on my tits for coke... telling my new boyfriend about it was the poor life choice.
Randomize
