I've blown a few things in my day
i can't, i'm blowing bubbles in class and getting credit for it
Two girls I have never met just thumb wrestled to decide who gets to make out with me.
No room in fridge, chilling wine in snow. Do NOT let the dog pee on it.
I consider it a good night. I met Jimmy Buffet, who grabbed my ass, and I body-checked a toddler. She had it coming.
I wish we couldve been like jesus and the desiples tongith
When's a good time to tell your boyfriend you've slept with his ex girlfriend?
Responsible roommate: 1. Someone who takes a huge shit at work so as not to clog the toilet at home.
Ya I don't think I'm going anywhere, a cum towel, beer, and Vicodin was just exchanged in our white elephant present game
did you come by the house last night? I found a half eaten corn dog in the mail box.. I just figured you were drunk and needed somewhere to crash, but your no where to be found. I'll I have is this corn dog. call me when you get this. I'm worried! --mom
What's your ideal size in a man?
I just asked if you could cover my shift tomorrow......
im single, its not even nine am on Valentine's day and I've already gotten laid. suck it relationships
...and if you can get the necessary ingredients to make the Buffalo Chicken Melt, I will latch forever at your Teat of Justice.
last night you said that you wanted to hold my dick as you slept because it was like having a stuffed animal.
So drunk me is not subtlety trying to get her boss to cheat on her husband and have a lesbian affair with me. Sober me is ok with that.
Randomize
