why dont you just whore around college until someone loves you...thats how it works for girls isnt it?
you spent 5 minutes trying to open an empty PBR and kept saying "don't worry i'll get it i've been working out"
she's throwing things again.. almost stabbed herself in the eye with a fork.
You spilled spaghetti on the floor, and kept telling the noodles to "settle down" as you tried to clean it up
I bought a 9 dollar purse from payless so if I throw up in it tomorrow, no biggie.
For Valentine's Day I've purchased six lighters and I'm decorating them for him. I'm on a full ride to an art school and this is what I'm using my talents for. An intervention is needed. Please stop letting me date stoners.
Steve called. He needs me to pick him up. He also asked for a set of his clothes, he can't find them. He is such a strong motivation to stay sober.
so far, I've observed him try to hit on 3 girls, 1 guy and a bar stool. Humanity is amazing from a sober point of view.
It's not socially acceptable to be drunk in adult world. That fact makes me die a little inside.
Yeah, so, that moment when the repair guy comes in and you see your cock ring on the counter one second before he does.
Due to this morning's events my new porn name is Reepa Nipplov.
It's the kind of dick you travel across the country for
Hey. You dropped and smashed your road beer in my store last night. Again. And this time you didn't even order anything. You just walked in, yelled "SWEDISH STYLE!" Then lost your beer, looked depressed, and left.
So you're saying that I ended up challenging a dude to Uno then proceed to punch them in the face?
I got sriracha sauce on my mask while I was eating fast food, now wearing it makes me hungry
Randomize
