I'm on that like soy sauce on rice
not only are you not the girl i fell in love with, but from the looks of it, you ate her
You stood up and started yelling"Free blow jobs!" because you thought people would like you more.
She really thought E.D. was a sexually position.
She ordered a salad and a budweiser. I love her.
Just filled the brita up in the bathtub because we couldn't get it into the sink.
you pushed her into a kiddie pool and knocked out her front teeth... and you still managed to get laid. what. the. fuck.
and I keep making him eat me out and buying me presents, this is paradise. I wish he cheated on me earlier.
Just proved I could salsa dance in a bar where no one was dancing
Sidenote...no idea how to salsa
I'm going as your incestuous sister. If thats not the perfect winglady I don't know what is.
He must be a special kind of stupid to cheat on a women who works at a funeral home. Does he not understand you can get rid of dead bodies easier than most Americans?
Wake up. Smoke. Masturbate while eggos cook. Go back to bed. Smoke. Body spray shower. Beer with breakfast. Class. Morning of a champion.
So I'm never gonna get to see you again?
Hopefully.
Hurry I'm alone dressed like a prostitute eating French fries.
You’ll (maybe) appreciate that I picked at my ingrown hair again. Quarantine updates are getting BLEAK.
Randomize
