I just named my vagina "The Boneyard"
More like "Chia Pet"
Drinking wine. Reading twilight. On a Friday night. Biggest loser contest. First Place.
She just asked me if her C-section scar turned me on.
something had to give and with her weight the coffee table never stood a chance
The smoke alarm went off as soon as we opened the closet.
Also, my drunkenly packed sleepover kit consisted of a singular sock, my uncharged laptop, and a pack of post-it notes.
You rubbed your penis on my leg and said "people have paid for this kind of action"
He motorboated me, gave me a business card that said congratulations on my motorboat, then disappeared into the night.
Find him and marry him.
I was worried he'd break you after the hiatus your lady parts had to take from social interaction.
Well. No wine. And no real mixers. I'm using vodka and grape juice and calling it Slurrrlot. Happy Holidays bitch.
I am never taking a razor down there again. He'll have to love me as I am.
Sorry that I got drunk and refused to let you buy me pizza. I'm a monster and I understand if you hate me forever
I have no idea what happened last night, but my pee is neon green.
You came in, yelled 'i am from the future' then puked all over the floor
You left your pants here again. 4th time in a row. How can you walk home without pants?
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