Say my name once during sex just to fuck with her. Like when it gets rough.
just saw a girl come out of the tanning bed room on crutches, now thats determination
This is probably the only time in my life I'm going to be able to say I'm going to the hospital too smoke weed and play Mario kart.
The first aid guy just told us to go get hammered...I'm taking his advice
Remind me never to take that much Vicodin ever again. I laid in bed measuring my heart rate for an hour and a half because I was afraid it would stop.
not a day goes by that I don't wish you were here or I there. Today it was because I had the desire to get high and go look at the jellyfish at the aquarium and you're the perfect buddy for that.
Is it weird that the cop that arrested me called me twice to tell me that I left my ring at the police station
You were definitely drunk. You gave him an otphj in front of everyone.
I decided not to look up the nudes, because I believe that there is a line, and that mocking my old classmate's horrid nudes alone crosses that line.
Come here I'm naked
And I want mozzarella sticks
I don't trust his life but I trust his penis.
You're gonna be sprawled out basking in the sun working on your tan like a ridiculously hot iguana, and I'm gonna be here bundled up in about 72 layers just so I don't freeze my dick off looking like the Michelin man's gay cousin
i apologize, I may have called you an iguana
Mistakes were made
the puppy had a little leather gag and was using a ball gag as a fetch toy
saw a family tailgating a graduation with hard liquor... i'm assuming yours?
are you shitting me? they told me they'd at least wait until 10am
I think i got beer on your cat.
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