she said she likes her vagina punished
being with you and your tiny dick is punishment enough
he just wrote my ten page research paper for tit pics. i love my boobs.
He managed to scream "cowabunga bitch" before he went down on me. Let me know if you still like him.
We got three kegs and a backhoe. Now taking bets on what charges we end up getting arrested for. Will need bail money.
I guess he was telling a totally normal story about being a lifeguard and I wouldn't stop screaming "THAT'S LUDICROUS" at random intervals.
Ice skating? Did you see me last night? I don't even know where my socks are
my boobs are worth more now than the blue book value of my car.
I am coping with the snow storm with beer and shots of jack. If I were outside in shorts I might be able to pass as a Canadian.
the liver wants what the liver wants
Ooo, yeah! Thanksgiving will be a blast. Can't fuckin wait for the next round of "have you found a nice young man yet?" Followed by a lovely helping of "don't worry, there's someone out there for you."
I just rolled a blunt and took my bra off. I'm not going anywhere.
Who told you that acid and Jurassic World was a good idea?
dont remember, but I'm pretty sure I was convinced that the hybrid dinosaur was satan the whole time. It was actually very spiritual
Blowing lines in the bathroom and trying to get into the mindset of someone who wants to be at work for 12 hours
I like to send nudes ok? If that's my biggest flaw I think I'm ok
You know it's a pretty bad night when an injured penis is not the worst thing that happened to you. Fuck tequila
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