I love you and miss you, which in no way dimishes how much I hate the person you turned out to be, but I still love and miss you.
there's a taquito in the driveway. If it's not yours I'm going to eat it.
I hate when people uglier than me have girlfriends
No, that was before the police came, but after the hooker.
Never let Scott cook bacon and eggs at 2am while drunk. You should have seen the flames.
I wanna get so drunk next week I throw up on a guy's genitals. I want to be that memorable for someone.
The problem with having your drunkeness documented at a wedding is not only does it show up all over facebook, but all over professional photography websites.
He wouldnt stop screaming that he wanted a trashcan WITH a lid. Whats so necassary about a lid
I am literally the only girl who can black out and wake up pantsless and STILL be 99% sure I didn't get any.
Just managed to stab myself in the ass with a fork. I feel that as my best friend, I'm obligated by friend code to inform you of that sort of thing.
These people don't understand my stages of drunk
Also, lets remember that we have known each other for nearly a decade and our two most recent photos to one another are boxes of plan b
With gravity the way it is and your butt clearly being the size of a bus you'd break your hip or something
Not sure if your roommate speaks German while sleeping, or if she woke up, figured out we were fucking, and used German to swear at us.
OMG OMG OMG I just throwed up in his pillow case when he wentto start the sho wer, time to grab my bra and bounce!!!
Wow.
Randomize
