are we going to glenview for practice??
(3 hrs later) aids
where r u? what is story? im way too high right now
Umm I'm too high to move.
But why is there no point in liking him? Does he have herpes? Is he married? Is he gay? Did he get his penis chopped off in a freak accident? If the answer is no to all of the above, then he is fair game
So you really have to stop introducing me to girls and afterwards saying "he has his dick pierced" let them find out for themselves
how are you not completely traumatized after 8 years of friendship with me?
We need somewhere to take these girls. Otherwise it's a orgy in the Mazda.
Sometimes I wish I could open my skin and just take a little peek at my liver. You know, just to see if it's rotten yet or still perfect looking.
Do you know why I have a burn shaped like a tiny spork?
He should be castrated
Nah he might accidentally come while they're cutting it off. Wouldn't be fair to the surgeons
I want to bone him until his eyes fall out
We both know we're cheating on one another. But our side pieces aren't as kinky as us...so yeah, we're still together. This is a fucked up relationship.
We could never date. He doesn't drink and he won't bring me tacos after sex. He's on that healthy life bullshit.
We were making out on the floor and his 13 year old beagle crawled in between us & just sat there...I got cockblocked by an ancient beagle named Bubba
I’ve had a lot of vodka, 3 different dicks and no food since last night. Come get me
I was grinding with girl while I was eating french fries, and she turned around to hook up with me. She ate my fries.
Randomize
