so, on facebook you can become a fan of butt sex, and also premarital sex, but not premarital butt sex, which is what I was aiming for.
Why I am the classiest girl you know: just mixed drinks for everyone on the baby changing station at the movie theater.
I hit him with a car. Nothing says I hate you more than backing into someone with a fucking car.
I will accept it in the form of tooth necklace but if you have better ideas I am open to suggestions.
I know he'd never cheat on me. It'd be like choosing Mexican tap water over Patron.
I don't listen when you talk. I just try to find new creative ways to get you to send me naked pictures.
Please tell me you werent the one who replaced every beer bottle in my fridge with a picture of a baby kitten.
... and if i was..
Fuck. You.
all my money is vodka money
I have never read a truer sentence.
i was really hopeful that i could make it to the end of the semester without doing something stupid enough to destroy our relationship but i guess i was wrong..........thanks vodka
After my second liter of German beer, nothing D-cup or larger is safe near me.
... drunk me broke the coffee table?
STOP TALKING ABOUT YOURSELF IN THE THIRD PERSON. YOU DID THE THING.
That awkward moment when the guy you were hitting on at the bar last night is a possible suspect in a murder case.
I just watched a squirrel take down a snake,life isn't so bad after all.
So...I know we have a conversation later this week. But one of the key things I want to know is if I can specify having my body mummified and buried in Egypt (or at least nearby the Luxor in Vegas). How much money do you think that would cost? Do I need to increase my life insurance policy?
Btw I puked in your glovebox
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