how about we just leave your boyfriend out of this
ohhhh fuckk. chicks a dude.
he has a knack for choosing the worst time to masturbate
Sometimes one must go to great lengths and make great sacrifices to get drunk. I willingly accept the challenge.
i'm pregaming while finishing a paper on cardio myocyte contractility in mice. i'm kicking finals week's ass right now
he brought me knee pads...is that sweet or weird?
So essentially hes paying me $150k/year for the rest of his career to not have sex
SERIOUSLY? WTF! why cant I find a super hot, super gay, super conservative christian NFL player in need of a beard?
Yes I slept with him, he was the only one not wearing a costume. Guys with costumes are just trying to impress you.
I remember it because it was right after the sadness and right before the sluttiness. The calm before the storm if you will
i just wrote an ode to an enchilada dorito. i'll need that pregnancy test now please.
The things I do for you. Not that I'm unhappy about it. I'm just saying you should love me.
Did you sleep with him again?
No! I just led him to believe that I would if he gets me booze. Do I have that little class that you have such minimal faith in me?
We were in the middle of a serious discussion about social justice and he pulled sequins out of his teeth and kept talking like nothing had happened.
Do you know how close I got to throwing him over the edge of the canyon?
How drunk were you? in an effort to seduce him, you demonstrated your lap dance skillz on his dog.
He sounds like Chris Tucker and wants to eat me out when I’m on my period. If that isn’t love I don’t know what is.
Randomize
