I wish i could tell a story about guys I know without the phrase "and then I blew him." coming up.
were talking about masturbation in my pysc class. He says it's healthy. I'm gonna live forever
I really wanna talk..
if by talk you mean have nasty makeup sex involving marshmellow fluff.. I'm down
yeah except there is a correlation between drinking moonshine and going blind, which kind of concerns me
I had to take the fire extinguisher from him. He was just sitting on the floor petting it.
I never knew so many sexual things could be done while wearing footie pajamas
where are you guys? the police just woke me up on the couch outside.
I must have drunkenly masturbated really loud last night, cause my roommate and his wife wont look at me
She was the shot vending machine at the party. But free.
I just looked at a girl and was like what disease does she have? And then my mind caught up ohhh shes pregnant.
You've thrown off my entire schedule. Usually SATURDAYS are my "try to hide the jizz on my leggings" days
If we don't rescue him from the fat chick soon, she is going to eat him alive and suck the marrow from his bones.
I just bought emergency deodorant at Dominick's and put it on in front of a homeless man while waiting for the bus. He laughed and said 'girl, you a mess'. This is my life.
He ordered a meatball sub with a side of meatballs.
Will you come get your son? He's using an old bike pump to help him fart the national anthem...
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