hide the guitars, Nate just learned to play free fallin'
If you think im a hippy you should see these girls. They would scissor mother nature if they had the chance.
He doesn't need a wingman, he needs a miracle
I puked in the coffee maker. I wouldn't make coffee tomorrow morning if I were you
I blacked out at the bar, and blcked in getting a handjob on a roller coaster. Sober me is jealous of drunk me.
we walked around the neighborhood with caution tape tied around our foreheads, making indian noises. I might have disturbed a crime scene to make a native american headdress.
Just drank an entire bottle of champagne for lunch. It's gonna be that kind of semester.
Dude, she got on top of me, grumbled in a low voice "I'm going to make you remember me", and then farted.
hey remember that mom you brought home from the bar last month... she is currently driving me back to her place. turning my phone off now.
I'm going to write a horror movie. It's going to be called "Fat People on a Squeaky Bed" and it's going to feature me laying in bed last night listening to my overweight roommate and her fat boyfriend tossing and turning all night
It's seriously like a finger. But it's a cock. I don't know what to do. I feel like I fuck him to be polite.
Lots of tissues. Maybe pizza. Only time will tell. The stages of political grief.
I cannot, in good conscience, let you talk to a guy who wears Chaps and a knit beanie
He's really cute...He stopped talking to me because i pulled my skirt up and peed in a demi plie position...
u ever get horny for food. i ordered a bunch of crepes and its doin it 4 me
Randomize
