She kept screaming "yeah! You pick up my books!" the whole time. . .
Ugh, here's a dating tip. Hairy legs are a major turn off
They need a stunt cock, be about 20 more minutes.
Please never let me the drunk fat dancer in the bus girl
Tried to figure out where I was without opening my eyes this morning for like twenty minutes. Not even close. Not even the right state.
Highlight of my night: you taking that shot of garlic butter and then throwing the empty container down on the stairs and saying FUCK.
I AM OFFERING YOU ALCOHOL AND THE CHANCE TO LET ME SAY FUCK IT TO MY RESPONSIBILITIES. HOW MANY TIMES DOES THIS HAPPEN?!
I got my nipples pierced. If you haven't seen my boobs in the past week, you're among the minority
We can't do acid Disneyworld.
If sandwichs had dicks, my life would be complete
You ate my pie without asking. So don't get butt hurt if I send you link to plus size clothing stores.
I took my makeup off with mouthwash. Seemed like a good idea. It worked.
I'm upset for all the future generations who can't drunkenly get cheesy bread
Had a dream I was doing scat with Caroline. I need to lay off the cheese at night
Do you ever look at your life and go "i'm too sober for this bullshit"?
Every day of my life.
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