FUCK TREES I CLIMB BUOYS MOTHERFUCKER
STOP listening to that song
how am i supposed to spank it to a shakira video when she looks like she is doing the robot?
That's the great thing about NY, if you pee your dress you have an entire cab ride to air dry your panties before the next club.
They were so slutty we had to play "rarely have I ever."
I got a handjob from a sober married woman in a parking lot in the middle of the day, yet you still cant manage to get laid by a drunk single slut at the bar at 1am. Wtf
i gave him a hand job with one hand and held the 40 with the other. this is like freshman year all over again.
Were taking his cast off tonite. Need a saw and a gameplan. Meet us at rosies in 30.
In between when I last wrote and now have screwed a Swiss guy on a hostel bathroom floor. Okay, real life?
She's the worst person, but the best naked person
i have a feeling i am the only one who can successfully pull off the "slutty kentucky derby" look.
I just farted in the bathroom and the guy in the stall next to me started gagging. Its a beauitful day
Thanks for the hickies, asshole. I make my living as a fitness instructor. It's gonna look reeeeeeal weird if I have to wear a scarf while teaching Zumba all week.
if i dont text back till morning its cause i turned my phone off and changed my password to something i wont remember to stop myself from drunk texting...RESPONSIBILITY
I just found those cheese sticks in my purse. Along with a handful of confetti.
I'm like bob the builder except I'm fixing boners.
Randomize
