I miss you like a fat girl misses the prom.
Laziness has reached now heights if you too unmotivated to buy pot
she said she could "feel the heat of my groin" against her. ruined the whole fucking moment.
I've decided I'm either going to ease him into this breakup by having a threesome with him and the girl I'm leaving him for, or be brutal and fuck his room mate. it depends how nice he is tonight.
just when i thought i had forgotten how badthe sex was he comes across campus solely to say hi
Sadness tears and throw up everywhere
So this guy is eyeing me from across the bar. Either the girl I hit on next to him is his girlfriend or he's her gay best friend. I should show him my Penis and find out.
Dude. Do it.
Definitely her date. But she saw it too. So now he used to be her date. Why can't this stuff Happen when I'm sober?
Obviously a higher power wants us to be sunday drunk together
At least you get to smell pizza at your job. I just smell despair all day long.
Hearing them have a conversation is like listening to water buffalo have sex. Awkward and scarring.
Woke up, moved an empty handle of fireball to spit blood, then put the morning cigarette out in it.
I just woke up, its 6AM and i'm pretty sure the guy passed out next to me is 70% ugly...
he would NOT stop making out with my stomach! creeeeeepy
I dont know which is weirder.. the fact that i just watched our mom kick ass at beer pong and ride the pole like a true fire girl or the fact that ive never felt closer to her in my life.
Guess who won a basket of sex toys in front of his parents, aunts, uncles, sister, and cousin...
Randomize
