I was just tapping my foot in the bathroom at Penn Station just PRAYING for anonymous sex. You know how that goes.
And as you crawled into the bathroom last night you repeatedly said "I know the routine".
no where in the syllabus does it say "no alcoholic beverages allowed".
The Ukrainian kid just told me that our econ professor wants to bone me. Please tell me that phrase means something different in Eastern Europe.
I just got a 45 minute blow job...she literally sucked the single life outta me.
u sound so gay right now
Just pulled an upper-decker at a hardware store. I believe I'm winning 8-2. It's obvious you don't shit enough in public.
constantly striving to make life awkward and more complicated, one drunk bone at a time.
Highlight of the night: paying my cell phone bill at the bar... I need to get laid.
Just replaced the batteries in my vibrator without turning on the lights. I need to get laid.
The narcoleptic neighbor conked out while taking her dog out again. Drinking game based on what the dog does and how long she's out. You in?
I wish I had a Tina from Bob's Burgers in real life. She would be the best wingman.
My lease is up and I've been thinking, it's only fair that the guys I've fucked in this apartment in the past year help me move. They enjoyed the bed, now help me move it.
Just told my mom life fisted my asshole. She looked at me with complete understanding. I'm scared...
the fact that your 21st birthday is also new years eve is pretty much a death sentence
How do you say "put it in me" in Spanish... I'm dealing with language barriers here.
Randomize
