I am at The Loft in SoNo, and there are two girls within arms reach that are making out with each other AGGRESIVELY. Like I can see 100% of a boob
For future reference, this is Trevors little sisters phone now. Trevs number is 484 XXX XXXX. Great story tho
They're like penises that have been put in a blender.
please hold off on going into labor, i might need you to take me to the free clinic
Why didn't you tell me I was calling her by her sisters name all night?
I'm about to punish you for sending me a Snapchat of your boyfriend's morning wood
He's rescued me passed out naked on the playground next door and I've rescued him passed out naked in the middle of campus. That's why we're a great couple.
She's been with the dude for a week saying she's in love. Yeah so am I. I just opened this beer 5 minutes ago and I LOVE IT ALREADY.
And anyway at least being paid in opium makes a cool story
I had to ask him for a dick pic. Do you know how refreshing that was?
I DID MY EXPERIMENTING. FOUR YEARS OF IT. IN HIGH SCHOOL.
Nothing says I love you like a silicone dragon dick
Why do I feel so obligated to masterbate just because I’m single and it’s valentines Day...
I just saw elmo dancing with gumby. The bars at 7a.m. are AWESOME.
God does not give you boobs that amazing to not share them with your friends
And, by “make you dinner” I mean “have lots of sex and multiple orgasms.” So you should probably eat something and before you come over
And hydrate too
Randomize
