Don't threaten to terrorize my ass hole unless you have to wherewithal to back it up
Dude I was fucking my girl on the couch and her dog came up and licked my balls. Does that mean we just had a threesome?
of course he's cheating on me, she's 100x prettier and she can do the splits
yea last night was a repeat of newyears...exept this time it ivolved a fish costume, throw up, a hole in the roof, and cops...lots of cops
She face-timed me on the toilet. My dick is never going to recover from that.
I feel like you just railed me after that sext
I just spent 20 mins in the shower washing n rewashing my body to get rid of stripper. I even loofa'd my face.
Have you ever just like not slept in so long that everything looks like a lava lamp?
Growing a beard is gonna make smoking a pipe look so much more majestic
I'm not gonna lie. I'm a little scared.
Good. The Jell-O shots look great.
Now I just sit back and wait to give ass birth to pure evil.
God is tempting me with everything tonight. Brownies and dick, mostly.
I didn't even respond. Just letting the crazy settle before I calmly fuck his shit up.
And by not handle it I mean it makes me want to sit on his face
I want you to know. From the bottom of my heart, that you are a great friend, a beautiful person, and one of my favorite people in this world. But if you ever send me that many messages again at 4am I swear to God, I will push you in from of a fast running rhino
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