There's a 34yo winking at me. Why do i find this weird when my bf is a 38yo married man?
i just googled "who won the civil war" . how can i still have a 97% in this class?
No shame. Just smoked a bowl with a Norwegian. Feels like something to cross off a list.
The more my room-mate speaks, the more I notice that she was home schooled.
your tears are not going to buy me drinks...
My new excuse for sleeping with him was in celebration of his cat's birthday.
You have to stop getting hammered and preaching about that mission trip to Haiti.
You had a hot dog outside the bar then made me stop at McDonald's for a double quarter pounder. I'd say you've more than filled your drunken meat quota.
I just woke up tangled in fishing line while wearing someone else's bathing suit with fishes drawn all over me. What kind of sex did we have?
Home-made laxative recipe: activia yogurt and tequila shots. Any ratio ought to work.
The bar tender had his entire hand down your asscrack.
I forgot about that. I was in MULTIPLE dimensions.
Depends how u look at it. Half-full, half-empty, or how should I shave my pubes
Oh, the accent alone guaranteed a bj. It was when he started drunkenly singing in PERFECT PITCH that I knew I was fucking him.
How can i make it up 2 u?
DREW I AM SMOKING POT AND FUCKING. WE CANNOT DISCUSS THIS AT THIS PARTICULAR JUNCTURE.
Dude I can't beleive you didn't wake up. I literally f'd her IN THE DISHWASHER. Btw I'm pretty sure I also kinda broke the dishwasher.
Randomize
