I never want to see another naked old woman again.
if this week's events in iraq have taught me anything, it's that when pulling out, always expect a mess...
if i hurry i can finally have sex while stoned off my ass
godspeed.
god, a vagina is an amazing trump card
just passed out while on hold to see if i left my debit card at the bar last night.
Should you consider yourself out of control when everyone at the party is cheering you on while you're puking, and on the last heave you act like you're rolling dice right before the finale???
He told me he felt like he shoud say thank you and as a prize i could keep anything from his room that i wanted.
He was the one that got away. From my vagina.
This is John, I met you downtown last night.
Oh, ok.
This is the cop that kept you out of trouble last night
I want a MapMyFart App, where I can mark every spot where I have ripped one. Like here.
We were fucking while the tv was on, and one of those animal cruelty commercials came on. We then switched over and started doing it doggy style. It was then that I realized that I'm going to hell.
STAY IN YOUR APARTMENT. DONT GO TO SAFEWAY TO BUY CONDOMS. DONT GO TO THE VAN.
Made it to my hair appointment on time, and got some dick. Today is already a great day
Ok so I'm not gonna ignore the fact that you had sex on a frat basement floor and spent the last 4 years wondering how you got HPV
the girls would appreciate it if you invited over some drunk, single, straight men with low standards.
Randomize
