the bulge in his pants is not junk. its hair. trust.
I can't believe I had to convince you to not drink butter.
MOMMMMMMMMMMAYYY! YOU BIRFED ME TODAYY. IM CELEBRTIN ON YUR BEHAF! THANK YOU!!!!!
I always hoped you would never inherit this side of my personality. Hon, trust me, you're a mess. Go to bed...alone. xoxoxo
there are casual beer cans in all of the public trashes, i belong here
All i remember about last night is holding a bottle of bacardi and screaming challenge accepted!
You missed me roundhouse kicking a lit glow stick out of a guy's mouth last night. You would have been proud.
I have managed to reach the 'after meth poster look' before lunch here...
After a little too much, I decided public urination was a constitutional right.. Nearly got deported for that one
Somehow you're a lightweight AND an alcoholic. Rare combo in one person. Well done.
He sent me a dick pic, and it had smeared lipstick on it. So I sent him the pic of my tit with the hickey ring your brother gave me.
Do you know this guy sitting in front of us? Asking for my vagina.
When your grandma invites you to a sweet girls' Valentine's dinner with your mom and sister, but you have to decline because you're trying to get two dudes to rail you at once...
There is a moment when you wake up with a butt plug in when you question your choices in life.
There is also a moment when you wake up in a kiddie pool of jello cubes where you question what the fuck you did last night. Are you still in the attic or did you go home.
How did the test come back?
I've never been so happy to have a yeast infection. And i got a free pack of birth control
I know I may be showing my age by saying this but this is the first time I have been eaten out in the parking lot behind the Clairmont Inn since 1990
Randomize
