My e-date is really photogenic. Real-life not so much
I'm sorry, but you without makeup is like christmas without presents.
took acid and went on safebus. all the lights were off except the adds. swear to god it was a submarine
Angelique from Rock of Love is now doing phone sex commercials for central illinois....id say she's going places.
I have shoes on. No pants. And my jacket pockets are full of ketchup and grass. Yes. Good night.
"too many" and "free shots" never belong in the same sentence
I got concerned once i realized you weren't there to hear us having sex. See I do worry about you.
Nice just gets you lonely or dead. I don't like those options.
The low-flow toilet at my office cannot handle the intensity of this hangover.
We almost got stabbed in the nuts last night. Don't worry, we're alright.
Got myself invited to boss's family dinner party, drank too much, and fucked boss's brother in his parent's house. Just another Wednesday.
Dude, I just feel great. I love life so much and I love you. Love. Love. So much love.
What part of the grouping of the words "anal beads" confuses you?
Drinks have officially taken priority over self-respect, and I'm not even all that torn up about it.
Who else has a jello penis in their fridge?!
Randomize
