Our cab driver just admitted to beating up kids in the 60's who didn't smoke pot...
I thought it was kinda weird that her ten yearold sister was playing bartender, but hey, the girl makes a damn good drink
yeah he couldn't walk in a straight line and started throwing up and told the cop he just has an astigmatism
okay, this game isn't funny anymore. tell us where all the forks are.
Just used my boobs as a ramp to guide ramen into my mouth.
The sex was so good I went temporarily numb. Slightly embarrassing when she pointed out I was kissing my own arm.
You might not want to come home tonight. Mom just found your vibrator and now she won't stop sobbing and holding a framed picture of you as a little kid.
I've got 2 dollars. How do I turn this into alcohol?
I feel like I've been hit by a truck, flew up and landed on a fence post that went straight through my vagina. No more vodka and sex for a while.
It's amazing how not interested in talking to him I am since I've decided that he probably has chlamydia.
He asked if he could pull one of my teeth "to remember me by"
I mean, I love her. But not "I'll have a threesome with her." Type of love.
I'm closer to stabbing a fork in my neck than finishing this resume.
She thought I was dancing but I just couldn't catch my balance for 11 blocks.
how do you tell someone, in the most complimentary way possible, that they would make an excellent stripper?
Randomize