Get out...Run...Or there's going to be a dick in your mailbox
there hasn't been a girl guy ratio this good since a guy jumped on one of the Titanic life rafts
I love her so much that if I could have sex with her I wouldn't cuz my dick would feel out of place in such a perfect body/vagina
He said I was like bonnie and clyde all rolled into one but twice as trashy and 75% less clothes...
He obviously understands you completely.
when i came out to my mom, it was over brunch. i was eating a banana. not exactly my smartest breakfast choice.
Its what jesus would do if there were bud light in his time. I feel obligated.
Your one and only job is to make sure I am on that bus tomorrow morning with no cat makeup on my face
You walked in on me taking a shit and told me to hit the bong
Things were easy when he was just a penis. Now he's a penis with feelings.
Well, you know sobriety isn't something I like to do on the reg.
The bar tenders gave me the number for a "taxi"... It's just a dude with a van. In retrospect, pretty sketchy. Robert was cool though.
i am an animal i am literally locking myself in my house and not coming out for a week i don't deserve to be in public
The holidays are too long. I always run out of adderall before I run out of family. you got any left?
His sister hates me so I took his virginity on her bed
She came home, put on the news, left a 20 minute drunk message on her friends machine, then proceeded to play back the entire message laughing hysterically and then just passed out
Randomize
