Just wanted to let you know that if you need my services as a male dancer for his birthday, let me kno so I can clear my schedule
Desperate + desperate does not equal a fun night.
he sent her a picture of his penis to show that he "trusts her" or some shit like that..well she showed it to me, and let me just tell you..it looked like a freaking slug or something. creepiest penis i've ever seen. hands down
he came over wasted, used the bathroom, drank some water, and fell asleep holding my hand. what kind of a fuck buddy does that??
After he called me a "spirited little girl" I realized that I need to stop sleeping with guys more than ten years older than me.
Apparently, we were running around the apartment, singing into pickles, the routinely slapped our passed out friends with them.
She keeps sending, "show me your elephant trunk."
Watched him slip somethin into her drink. Dragged him of his bar stool, punched him out, and told her what i saw. Bartender used some chemical to confirm presence of rophynol. Just woke up at her place
The Supreme Court upheld health insurance. If that's not an excuse to get hospital drunk, I don't know what is.
I don't know. I just thought I'd put my drinks in my bag and go on an adventure. Like a drunk Bilbo Baggins.
the best part of college is nobody can tell me not to eat six toaster strudels and jerk off in the shower
That was so not worth putting pants on for.
I sent my roommate a text from MY phone that said, "I don't know where my phone is." Must've been a good night.
also I can check "jump into a moving car" off my bucket list if that tells you how tonight is going
My nipples are raw, I've yet to go to bed, I feel like death, and I'm at work. Thank you jack, crown, and Lafayette!
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