once we finished he held up the condom and asked if i wanted to keep it as a souvenir.
oh and he was serious.
I just watered my plants with apple juice. Look what you made me do.
Is it wrong that im more embaressed about the karoke than the toplessness?
He passed out on the floor and you kept hitting him in the dick and screaming "hammer of justice".
Miller High Life will be the death of me. Well, that and shower sex.
In my drunkeness I was planning how to throw up without my parents hearing. I was gonna go for a "run" and just throw up outside.
So the doorbell rang while we were banging, and I'm pretty sure the pizza man saw my dick. But hey, we got pizza.
and then I partied with my new dealers deaf pit bull. All around a good night I'd say...
how don't worse things happen to you?
Did I tell you that I told him I deleted his dick pics and he almost started crying?
I need a fucking roommate.
You need a fucking babysitter.
are you still up? I want to use you for sexual things. you have 35 minutes to respond to this offer.
That butt dial turned into a booty call.
Tonight was a total waste of a shaved vagina
Why is the floor coated in a 2 inch blanket of popcorn??
then he said the sex was mediocre and that it was because of me. and that we could try again tomorrow.
it was 100% mediocre because of him, and we will 100% not be trying again tomorrow.
Randomize
