i'm returning your mother's day gift to finance my alcoholism over the next week.
All time low... just gave a strip tease to the theme song from Law&Order SVU.
I love sluts.
I end my prayers with that every single night.
I drove you home. there is no excuse for wrecking your car 3 hours later.
This is much more drunk than i was intending for a wednesday
The cop only confirmed I'm .22% Irish. Then I threw up on him.
Dude... Hand job in the lake... It was as weird as it sounds.
If you can't accept "I'm sorry I was mean to you" bjs from 19 year old girls, then who can you
he built a boat made of joints. holyyy shit
A valentines day commercial would come on while I'm masturbating...
I snapchatted his face mid sex. Needless to say, I don't think I'll ever see him again.
When we were done he got down next to the bed and I thought he was Tebowing. He was hitting a bong that he had already loaded and hidden under the bed.
I don't think it counts as a booty call at 6:30 pm.
Just walked out of the train bathroom after having sex and got a round of applause from the passengers. Definitely the best part of the trip.
The bouncers found you passed out on the toilet. They tried to move you but you refused and repeatedly shouted that you wanted to go out like Elvis.
Randomize
