Oh yes. The girl who wanted me to watch her pee.
I'm not inviting you over anymore if my cat keeps ending up in the freezer...
on my arm i have a score card from when we apparently had a competition to see who could harden his nipples fastest..
who won?
THAT is your concern right now?
Besides, I'm not in my 30's. I'm still allowed to drink wine from a bag.
I just inadvertently flirted with my coworker's 20-year old son. I've known him since he was 14, yet suddenly he looked different.
You are nothing if not reliable.
Soup is not an acceptable meal before doing that many Jager bombs
This was my thought process as I drunkenly ran home: Whoa! I'm going so FAST! Why don't I run EVERYWHERE! ALL THE TIME! Then I peed in a bush and passed out on the ground.
So basically you were a dog.
All of her cloths were on our coffee table this morning. The only things she left with last night were her shoes and Scott
YOUR DICK HAS BEEN IN ME I DO NOT WANT TO BE SET UP TO MEET YOUR FRIENDS
If you set your screensaver to be a slides show, make sure you remove dick pics first. This lesson 1 of living with your great aunt
My bad man. I was at a strip club, and apparently it's like a big deal to take your phone out in one of those places.
if you come you're not allowed to wear pants. if you arrive wearing pants you won't be wearing them long.
RAAAAAAAAWWWWRRRRRR
THATS ME HOWLING MY ENJOYMENT OF THE THINGS WE CAN DO WHILE GETTING DRUNK
We gotta locate my vibrators and get them stashed away STAT
So if your sore it's because you tried to tackle a tree last night. When I told you at the party, you said "What do you expect, I'm an athlete!"
Randomize
