honey bunches of taint.
Jeremys mom is here. I gave her mad jello shots and now were griding. ima give it to her: ultimate payback for him fucking my gf.
mom just called and i was mid bong hit but i answered anyways coughing and sounding rough she the apologized for waking her little angel up. its 2PM
Her name is Sherri and her sister's are Brandy and Champagne. Of course I want to meet her parents.
Dude's from Puerto Rico. Majoring in Spanish is like us majoring in drinking with a minor in watching Forgetting Sarah Marshall.
Do you remember that time on the drunk bus when I kept thanking the bus driver for serving our country?
I honestly didn't see the problem playing beer pong In the car on the road trip home.
How bad is it that I'm banned from all of your family functions due to sleeping w/ both your brother and sister and they both hate me for pursing a relationship with either of them.
And by "schedule" I meant crumbled up liquor store receipt, that I wrote shit on.
Yes. That was the exact moment of my conscience clicking into instant high alert.
We were drunk waiting for tacos and I gave him a handy in the back of the Uber while giving the driver relationship advice. I think I'm handling the whole grad school thing alright.
You just sat there staring at your apple and saying "I'm so glad you're here" to it every time you took a bite.
Everyday this week I have woken up to a different dick pic. It's like a dick pic a day calendar!
I woke up this morning to find myself laying in a beer puddle with "I'm sorry" written on the shaft of my dick and Nicole was nowhere to be found. Gotta love her
I'm just trying to figure out the reason why humans wear socks....
Randomize
