We George Forman grilled some girls phone last night.
apparently i traded the tiffany necklace my mom bought me for 2 shots and next in line for beer pong at the frat.
I don't have the money to get a cast so we made one from stuff at the craft store.
I'm at a party with half naked strippers driving in a little kids battery powered mustang around a stipper pole in his bedroom
The bank teller laughed at me....I'm apparently that fucking hungover looking
All I wanted was my $85. Judgement free. But nooooo
Tomorrow, if I don't look at least 5% better than I do on a regular day to day basis, I want you to hit me and tell me that no one will ever love me if I continue to look like I just rolled out of a cocaine induced hibernation. I'm asking you for tough love.
Dude. I'm super jealous I'm not there. Plus I look really pretty tonight, I'm wearing my long blue dress, I have long blonde hair, and I'm just sitting here hitting Larry the Long Bong. I'll pretend like your 3 spirits are floating in my smoke. Fuck.
I've got mace and a condom. Ready to roll either way and keeping my pimp hand strong.
gona look into getting a tetanus booster and carrying an adrenaline shot...its going off this weekend
Well would you like to come over anyway? I will be wearing sweatpants and disappointment. Also, I have Jack Daniels and I've managed to get drunk in under half an hour. But my boobs look awesome.
Apparently she has a 10 week old kid, which would explain the hallway effect I was feeling.
Martha Stewart has had a one night stand and is unsure if she's had a threesome. I no longer feel slutty.
I am going to go Miley Cyrus crazy if I don't get sex soon
Headline in the alligator: young zeta goes berserk after lack of sex and is found naked swinging from wrecking ball on university ave, refuses to get down until sex partner is found
All because of that GODDAMNED MIKE PENCE.
It was like I was gay for pay but except being gay I became straight and instead of for pay it was for coke.
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