we have officially lost it.
I saw a sign that said worlds largest frying pan next exit. Way to do your fucking part Iowa.
So I just walked into the bathroom, and there was this kid, talking to his mom, while taking a shit. I flushed the toilet next to him and heard him say into the phone, "No, I'm not. I'm in my dorm."
Well its official I'm an idiot. I made out hardcore with an employee last night in our banquet room. Oh and got wasted at work. Oh and showed my staff squirrel on a trampoline.
I just found all of my Mary-Kate and Ashley movies. Can you say drinking game?
I told her the maid must have stolen all my condoms. She bought it
we boned then he told me that he had a thing for my gay roommate. worst night ever
Guy next to me is looking up how to press his own ecstasy pills. I'm going to befriend him and see where this goes
I don't remember what happened but judging from the contents of my pockets it had something to do with potatoes and glo in the dark condoms
I just realized that I have dated 5 unemployed guys...and 3 that drove pt cruisers...Turns out I do have a type.
If we had kids we couldn't come home, get high and watch porn together. And that's like the only reason I get up in the morning
How drunk do you think I'll be by the time I get home?
I just watched you drink a whole glass of wine through a Twizzler. Pretty drunk.
So i had a lucid dream about blowing myself. This is why people love me
One of the finest moments in my life was when I was puking in between my legs as I was shitting, and thought to myself "hmm this shall be called shomiting."
Holy. shit. Chris has no pants on. In public. Fuck. Need you.
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