Can a clitoris grow tomatoes? Its symbolic and rhetorical.
i just went dwnstairs and there are 5 guys without their shirts on hugging each other. i think i should leave now
I'm like cupid
You're a whore with a bow and arrow
She always acts like she's doing me a favor with a hand job. I've been giving myself hand jobs for almost 20 years.
I remember coming home with a cat... I havent seen it all day. Shit.
Something's wrong. My throat is definitely not in it's normal spot. Way too low.
Who ever is in the stall next to me is crying and it sounds like they're doing massive amounts of blow too. Finals for your ass huh.
It's a little sad/awesome that I scored coke within 60 seconds of walking in the bar.
The student becomes the teacher.
Lmfao a voicemail screaming about you partying with your tits out and a text at 3 am saying you went too crazy... this should be a good one
I've made out with more people in 2014 than I did the whole fall semester
Sitting topless in my room drinking wine from a box... It's good to be back at school
he really is such a sweet guy. it’s a shame i have to break his heart.
so i just realized the reason you didn't answer my call last night is because the remote isn't a phone.
I got pull-out-my-nuvaring-drunk last night.
Want ramen today?
I need a salad
SALAD DOESNT WARM YOUR HEART AND BELLY
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