I had fun last night. We should have sex less often.
I just made easy mac in my blender. Beat that.
He asked me If i had cheated on my boyfriend when I said no he said it's like he doesnt know me anymore
So recap time do u remember biting that girls hand?
The EMTs said they would give me as many blankets as I wanted if I didn't pee in the ambulance. They even turned on the sirens.
Remember the time we were in the hospital and I wanted to steel the arm restraints and use them as sex toys?? Oh college memories....
Aj and I already plan to tape our thumbs to our palms so we know how it feels to be a t-rex.
I should have considered my snorting capabilities before breaking my nose
How high are you?
I feel like breakfast can just fly into my mouth
Be proud. All I did last night was roll around in my nun costume selling drugs. I love Halloween.
When he opened the car door the whole thing fell off. Even that can be forgiven via his monster cock.
You know what I realized today? That my biggest regret of freshman year was ditching you and that foam party to have a one night stand with a skinny jean wearing vocal major.
I am concerned for your priorities but also really flattered. Flattery wins
You are lucky that I'm drunk. Otherwise I would bone you into another universe
I've never had to kick an employee out of bed to go to work before.
I woke up in nothing but my socks and my hat a cigarette in my mouth and a beer in my hand..........GREAT NEW YEARS
Randomize
