operation "beaches make me wet" is a go
On my way, I hope you have alcohol for me to blame stuff on...
she said her black crocs were her 'dress up crocs'
Get out here. Doing shots with the delivery guy. Also, the food is here
Even when you're not here I still manage to get pad thai in my vagina
Mega depressed bro. Had the greatest sex with the hottest girl I've ever seen and in the AM she gave me that look I've given dozens of times. I'm her drunken fat chick fuck
Ripped lines in the bathroom before my presentation.. Got bonus marks for my enthusiasm.. This is why I love drugs
No he exists. Who else tells me no matter how drunk I am to pull out. He's watching over me so my bastard doesn't get created.
Lesson learned. Kayak oars are not golf clubs....check
Never use fire and ice condoms with a dude who always claims he "didn't know it was the wrong hole"
Last night I was just holding this kitten up to my face for like ten minutes telling it that it couldn't be real
Decided I'm going to wear a shirt that says "I'm sorry" whenever we go back to that fraternity
my ex's current girlfriend held my hair as I threw up. new low.
I may not have my dignity, pride or sanity but I have my pants.
Afterwards I drank a whole bottle of cake vodka in the bathtub while he was bawling his eyes out. Hands down weirdest hookup I've ever had.
Randomize
