just do it
fine only cuz shes asian
my mom just informed me my dog smells like cum
Freshman orientation day on campus. Dear diary, JACKPOT.
just found the deal breaker
hairy back?
he can't live within 1000 ft of a school
if I was a wizard from waverly place we wouldn't b having these problems
I mean I knew we were putting on quite a show but I didnt realize HOW good until I woke up and 4 people were passed out with their ears to the bedroom door.
There was no way out of it, seeing as I left my photo ID right next to the vomit.
I'm just gonna ignore the fact that I have no pants on and find a way home. A good one-nighter never goes back for his pants.
I'm gonna win the lottery and buy chinchillas and tattoos for everyone
So, since you're now a four night stand, I feel comfortable asking: Did I leave my sunglasses at your house? Or my underwear?
I slipped on a piece of pizza last night and when the bouncer helped me up I told him the garbage can pushed me.
I don't remember what you did, but I DO remember that i'm supposed to hate you for it.
I'm to childless and to single to be asking myself why I'm so sticky
I like that you're more concerned about how I would find the time to clone you, than the fact that I have your blood.
I just found a samari sword in the couch. I'm about to take like 5 shots and pretend to be captain jack sparrow
Randomize
