One of the mothers are the party said to me "All your friends are getting married, you're just getting drunk"
I wish the health center treadmills counted beers burned not calories
Were not really friends so much as I suck his dick a lot
Half my make-up was stuck to his thigh where I'd fallen asleep after the blowjob.
He held me the entire night. Not endearing kind of way. Like kidnapping or held hostage kind of way.
Like I had no idea he knew how to play girls the way he played me. His major is chemistry for christ's sake.
I woke up in solitary confinement, wheb they moved me the guy that sold me the pill of Molly at the concert was in the police waiting room, we nodded to each other.
Top hats and gin. This is why I love day drinking.
It was insane. I was drunk for 11 consecutive hours. I woke up covered in almonds and there were footprints all over my shirt
He actually has his life put together though, during the date we walked by a shoppers drugmart where my friend and I once flashed a janitor and all I could wonder was how does he not see shit show written all over me?
I wish I cared about making my vagina as presentable as you do.
The next time you fuck up, your grandma sees your dick pics
You have no concept of how high I am, do you?
You had sex with a Scottish dude with a peg leg....how could I NOT tell that story??
We are balling out on levels, I think mikes about to go to jail. something to do with a unicorn and rainbows, the cops are not being reasonable.
Randomize
