dude, I'm watching paul blart mall cop. I have better things to do than listen to you whine about your recent divorce.
For what it's worth, your chances of anal go up the more she loves you. There's always a silver lining.
Ryan Howard.... the only guy who struck out more than me this weekend
HOW AM I SUPPOSED TO LOOK FUCKABLE IN AN ALL NEON SPANDEX JUMPSUIT?
Drunk. The frashmen love me. Give them. Toilrt paper. And shiots
We got baked and watched the cheetah girls on Netflix
You need to not admit that.
You kept yelling in my face " YOU'RE GONNA HAVE TO SUCK A DICK TONIGHT!"
Just so you know my hand is still healing from where you drunkenly clawed me last Saturday
Just puked in my hallway. Good start to a great night
Thanks to that wedding, I got to use the term "finger bang" more than I have since high school.
Pretty sure the guy I hooked up with Saturday gave me a buy one get one free coupon for chipotle. Who said nice guys don't exist?
Leave it to me to sleep w a guy who gets poison ivy on his dick
So I bought that bathing suit yesterday and got buyers remorse so I returned it today and then stole it. Win win.
What the hell do you do when your fuck buddy leaves to go for a piss naked and 20 minutes later hasn't come back and can't be found anywhere in the house or outside but has left his phone, tee shirt and shoes in your bedroom.
I don't think there is a pre defined social etiquette for a lost naked fuck buddy now roaming the streets.
I love you too, but sadly you're not as good at getting me out of bed as cocaine.
Randomize
