All I remember was yelling at him, "Its becasue of people like you that it took us so long to get to the moon!"
I don't think I have ever puked up that much free breakfast in my life...thank god for Nickle Beers.
you woke me up at 7 am banging on my wall.. what the hell
thats the international knock for joint time
i feel like you're just hanging onto the edge of functioning wino.
You kept showing everyone at the bar your bra to prove it matched your shoes.
My brother is wearing glitter eyeshadow and split leg skinny jeans
You've been usurped as King of the Gays
Why the fuck is he under my phone as Papi Chulo?
I want my birthday to be like the hunger games where all the contenders for my vaj have to fight each other off to win the prize
Can I have the second place winner?
if youre gonna throw up it might as well taste like christmas :S
Apparently asking your girlfriends roommate for a hand job when u craw into the wrong bed after a bottle of rum is "bad form".
im single, its not even nine am on Valentine's day and I've already gotten laid. suck it relationships
I am now "wine pairing" tums flavors with my strongbow, because apparently hard cider gives me heartburn.
Also you can't just sext a Michelle quote from Full House.
How do I figure out the name of this sleeping naked guy in my bed?
Let's just grow old together and be the crazy ladies that sit on the park bench, drinking booze from flasks and loudly talk about people who walk by.
Randomize
