I dont shave on purpose to keep myself from being slutastic!! it usually works
Say something about gay babies.
I feel like death. And death is wearing a fleece blanket as a dress. And is seriously contemplating wearing this to go get something to eat.
You do realize I got a panda tattooed on my ass just to get you laid, right?
Whatever. He's going to tie me up tonight whether he wants to or not.
You found me in the back room alone eating someone else's whole birthday cake with my hands then asked me if you could join.
for the record, you never really realize how drunk you still are until you get on rollerskates...
Also just throwing this out there I don't think anyone who brings another girl back to your bed to share with you can qualify as a frigid bitch
Ehhh, contemplating pain killers and fruit snacks if that's any indication.
How do I go about this? "Hey, its my birthday in 40 minutes. Would you like to come over for some sex? Also, please bring snacks"?
we both turned hook ups into relationships we are crushing this thing called life right now.
I just found a grey hair. On my nipple. Fuck you too, Mother Nature.
Facebook: “Hey you fucked on a diving board, you should probably should wish him a happy birthday”
cant one of your roommates drive you?
You came in my eye once. You owe me.
ill be there in 20
She demanded to see my stimulus package, I had to go over.
Randomize
