y did u give ur computer a hand job?
i just saw a foot job.
porn is incredible...
I let some guy put hot sauce in my asshole for his birthday
That's what happens when you let Keystone Light make your decisions.
I love how all the girls on the plan b commercial wake up alone.. Like me
Oh shit. There are penis maracas
All I know is....there's beer in my camera. How do I know? Because I can pick up my camera,shake it and HEAR, the beer in it
If I'm going to start compromising my butthole it's going to be for much better drugs than a ventolin
Well just watched a guy puke in a trash can then proceed to pick pizza outta said trash can and eat it
I have to call my new boss to accept the job offer so you have pack the bowl while I pretend I'm a responsible adult THEN we can get high
Apparently she almost had an affair at Outback Steakhouse, details to follow when I get home but the apple really doesn't fall far from the tree
Vibrator fell off the top of the dresser and hit me. This might be the most embarrassing black eye incident ever
If you wake up with half a an eyebrow.... I'm pretty sure it was a good time.
Im so fucked up I'm drinking baileys and coffee just to stay awake.
It's 6 in the afternoon?
Im glad your laughing because im currently convincing my penis you didnt mean it and its all gunna be ok.
Randomize
