babies were throwing up all over the place
I had to fart so bad so i let it go hoping it would be quiet, it was loud and shit came out!!! and i couldnt leave because her parents were behind me
i mean, some people chug beer and some people chug hard liquor. some people have good ideas and some people have bad ideas. it's all about perspective.
yea, their son has been arrested on more than one occassion, their daughter is pregnant and their other daughter graduated but she was adopted, so clearly genes are everything.
Look at you go. You're like the Slutty Librarian that Could. They should write children's books about you. Children's books for adults.
After we got done he told me to hold his penis because it helps him fall asleep
Finding an empty bathroom to shit on campus is like the quest for the fucking Holy Grail. Except with more stench and humiliation.
He facetimed with his son when he was still inside of me. If that's not a dedicated dad I don't know what is
Every time I started to really hate the guys on tinder, the universe throws me a muscly beardy bone.
I told him I wish we were at my house cause then I could tell him to get out after we had sex.
video games take priority over anything else you can offer me.
Instead of saying hi she asked if she could touch your dick through your ski bib and NOW I understand why you wore it to the bars
Come over. We have half a bottle of jumbo champagne left and no boyfriends to slow us down
i woke up face planted on your ottoman..thanks for letting me sleepover
If I end up in the hospital remind me to order jimmy johns.
Why?
They deliver.
Randomize
