this morning my mom told me to get a new vibrator because mine was too loud last night
i fell asleep watchin iron chef that was the blender she heard. i dont even own a vibrator
Family of uber douches all wearing ed hardy in a hummer taking up 2 parking spots at starbucks. Please be more cliche
the first call I got in the morning was from visa fraud prevention so yeah it was one of those nights
finally cleaned my dorm for the first time all year. bleach is awesome.
How long is it safe to eat only Hot Pockets and Popsicles?
Pretty certain he passed out for a while going down on me. Absolutely certain he passed out during the blow job.
this is a time for prayers...seriously
let us hold hands and pray.. sweet baby jesus please bring us some sweet sweet man loving this homecoming weekend to aid our lonely vaginas it has been a long couple of weeks amen.
i just successfully used the word "hymen" in a paper...welcome to senior seminar in lit.
I have minimal recognition and a lot of burns on my tongue and my vagina hurts.
i know and i thought i was only capable of loving dick and drugs, im so happy
His kisses tasted like beef jerky and captain morgan. I'm pretty sure I came before he even took my clothes off.
i'm calling it my monica lewinsky shirt now. may it live forever in infamy.
Dude, you flipped off a cat from my balcony and yelled at it to get a house
Nobody will take a lit match to your nipple without warning you this time. Pinky swear.
Sorry for trying to baptize you last night
You knew the entire thing in Latin I was so impressed
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