Update from family reunion: my aunt Janet once got her legs stuck behind her head. The fire department had to be called.
beer for lunch on the first day back to school.... too soon?
Karaoke into a bottle of boones. dear summer in alabama, glad to see you again.
at what point did you see referring to the bartender as 'the white precious' a good idea??
We found a stripper pole in your closet. It seemed like a good idea. Alex will fix the hole in your wall. Sorry.
Last night I passed a kidney stone as I came inside her. Worst. Experience. Ever.
We lost our room key and found it in his pocket with 3 pieces of fish.
umm, I just masturbated to old Justin timberlake on MTV jams. in need of dick ASAP
guys with girlfriends don't have a leg to stand on when they get mad at you for fucking other guys
Of course I have a pirate flag
I have no inclination to even want to think about what God's existential meltdown is going to be like. O.o
so at 3am I stumbled into my parents house and crawled into bed with them, I need to start dating.
So the revenge porn my ex posted just resulted in a contract with a gay porn company. I'm going to make $8,000 this weekend. That would a breakup checkmate. Are you joining me in the legislative committee hearing tomorrow?
The bride is so wasted, she fell into her cake.I wanna be on her level
Somehow I don't think offering me edibles is what dad meant by checking in on me
They're the hard candy kind!
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