fuck the hobbit
what about unicorns?
fuck those pointy horses
First, he can't make me cum.. And now, he can't get it up because he LOVES me?!!??! i don't think so.
I hope I don't blackout because this is awesome!
I just wanted to say sorry for trying to jack off your dog last night.
just hang any plant up and call it mistletoe.
Lauren she was gnawing on a dresser. Gnawing. On. A. Dresser.
He just keeps repeating "this isn't my bagel".. i'm worried for his safety
It's tuesday, which means cocktails followed by cocktales.
Do you relize what downtown will be like this week? Like open season. But instead of deer its hot baseball players from all over the country that we'll never have to see again. I swear the college world series is a gift from god.
I tried to tell her I've only slept with 3 other people...she then named off 5 of her sorority sisters I fucked and asked me if she should continue
So I fucked her. If you're keeping score at home, it's all tied up with horrible sex with someone I like and great sex with someone I hate both with 1.
What shitty, shitty thing could you possibly tell me that doesnt top the fact that i got hammered and showed everyone i could shit while running
I guess I can give it a shot. I usually just get belligerently drunk and go where my penis and feet lead me. No fights or getting too lost, so they seem to be doing a good job
Had a dream I went to Disney to visit you and then I got really drunk and puked all over these little kids in line
She asked how comfortable I was with her while we were in the shower. She then proceeded to pee in said shower.
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